aboutsummaryrefslogtreecommitdiffstats
path: root/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
diff options
context:
space:
mode:
Diffstat (limited to 'games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2')
-rw-r--r--games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes21612
1 files changed, 813 insertions, 799 deletions
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
index 58cfb6fa83a8..75cf324d97f5 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
@@ -1,3 +1,7 @@
+This fortune brought to you by:
+$FreeBSD$
+
+%
=======================================================================
|| ||
|| The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture! ||
@@ -101,10 +105,10 @@ either. If you need some help, give us a call.
_--~~~#####// ' ` \\#####~~~--_
-~##########// ( ) \\##########~-_
-############// |\^^/| \\############-
- _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
- ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
+ _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
+ ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
-###############\\ (oo) //###############-
- -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
+ -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
-###################\\/ () \//###################-
_#/|##########/\######( (()) )######/\##########|\#_
|/ |#/\#/\#/\/ \#/\##| \()/ |##/\#/ \/\#/\#/\#| \|
@@ -145,7 +149,7 @@ been inspected. (You have 15 minutes.)
HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
-economic, religious and philisophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
+economic, religious and philosophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.
BIOLOGY
@@ -296,10 +300,10 @@ steel industries.
And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
cold diskdrives hardware monitors
-user-hostile software
+user-hostile software
-of course they're only bits and bytes
-and characters and strings
+of course they're only bits and bytes
+and characters and strings
and files
just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend
@@ -317,7 +321,7 @@ on personal stationery
`O' LEVEL COUNTER CULTURE
Timewarp allowed: 3 hours. Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the
margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells. Orange may be worn. Credit
-will be given to candidates who self-actualise.
+will be given to candidates who self-actualize.
1: Compare and contrast Pink Floyd with Black Sabbath and say why
neither has street credibility.
@@ -372,15 +376,15 @@ Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable.
-If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
+If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
-to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
-for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
+to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
+for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks. What about the new 16-bit
-computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
-they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
+computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
+they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
-- "InfoWorld", June, 1984
@@ -441,18 +445,6 @@ From 1 to the square root of 3
Of 3 PI over nine
Is the log of the cube root of e
%
- (1/2)
- / 3
- | 2 3 x 3.14 (1/2)
- | z dz cos (--------) = ln(e )
- / 1 9
-
-The integral, from one to root three,
-Of z to the second dz,
- Times the cosine
- Of 3 pi over nine
-Is the log of the third root of e.
-%
THE DAILY PLANET
SUPERMAN SAVES DESSERT!
@@ -589,23 +581,29 @@ the foreman, who had been nonchalantly watching the whole time.
"That's all you do?" answered the foreman scornfully. "Bird
imitations?"
%
+ A crow perched himself on a telephone wire. He was going to make a
+long-distance caw.
+%
A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was eating
his morning meal. "I would like to give you this personality test", said
the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the
toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
%
- A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
+ A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The
medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's
rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
- The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
-itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
+ The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
+itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
- The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
+ The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%
+ A farm in the country side had several turkeys, it was known as the
+house of seven gobbles.
+%
A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a
buddy down the road, who owns several boars. They agree on a stud fee, and
the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the
@@ -628,9 +626,6 @@ the back of your truck, and the other one is honking the horn!"
her birthday. An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her
looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen. "My pup," she murmured
sadly, "runneth over."
- Catching his children with their hands in the new, still wet, patio,
-the father spanked them. His wife asked, "Don't you love your children?"
-"In the abstract, yes, but not in the concrete."
%
A German, a Pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods.
After being reported missing a day or two later, rangers found two bears,
@@ -658,19 +653,19 @@ hand. I held firmly with my left hand and slid my right hand up the body of
the snake. When I reached the head of the snake I flicked my right thumb down
to break the snake's spine... did you ever goose a tiger?"
%
- A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved
-dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
+ A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved
+dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
brother and inquires after his pet.
"Your dog's dead," replies his brother bluntly.
- The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
-he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
-of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got
-outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a
+ The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
+he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
+of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got
+outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a
corner...' or something...? Why are you always so thoughtless?"
"Look, I'm sorry," said his brother, "I guess I just didn't think."
"Okay, okay, let's just put it behind us. How are you anyway?
How's Mom?"
- His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
+ His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
outside one day..."
%
A guy walks into a pub and asks: "Does anyone here own a Doberman?
@@ -680,16 +675,13 @@ be? I raised that dog from a pup to be a vicious killer."
"Yes, well, that's all well and good," replied the first, "but my
dog's stuck in its throat."
%
- A horse breeder has his young colts bottle-fed after they're three
-days old. He heard that a foal and his mummy are soon parted.
- A crow perched himself on a telephone wire. He was going to make a
-long-distance caw.
- A musical reviewer admitted he always praised the first show of a
-new theatrical season. "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
A hard-luck actor who appeared in one colossal disaster after another
finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact. Someone pointed out that it's
the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
%
+ A horse breeder has his young colts bottle-fed after they're three
+days old. He heard that a foal and his mummy are soon parted.
+%
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked to add 2 and 2.
The housewife replied, "Four!".
The accountant said, "It's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures
@@ -732,7 +724,7 @@ German, can knit and can curse in Latin.
told, "that one is 150,000."
"Why, what can it do?" he asks.
"Well," says the shopkeeper, "to tell you the truth, he doesn't
-do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary."
+do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary."
-- being told in Poland, 1987
%
A man from AI walked across the mountains to SAIL to see the Master,
@@ -761,6 +753,10 @@ help but see was full of Swiss Army knives.
"Well, I'm young and attractive now", blushed the woman, "but that
won't always be true. And boy scouts will do anything for a Swiss Army knife!"
%
+ A man pleaded innocent of any wrong doing when caught by the police
+during a raid at the home of a mobster, excusing himself by claiming that he
+was making a bolt for the door.
+%
A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a
terrible problem, Doctor. I have a son at Harvard and another son at
Princeton; I've just gifted each of them with a new Ferrari; I've got
@@ -777,17 +773,10 @@ something? It sounds to me like you have no problems at all."
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for
my 'gator."
%
- A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
- A man pleaded innocent of any wrong doing when caught by the police
-during a raid at the home of a mobster, excusing himself by claiming that he
-was making a bolt for the door.
- A farm in the country side had several turkeys, it was known as the
-house of seven gobbles.
A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
- A women was in love with fourteen soldiers, it was clearly platoonic.
- Max told his friend that he'd just as soon not go hiking in the hills.
-Said he, "I'm an anti-climb Max."
+%
+ A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
%
A manager asked a programmer how long it would take him to finish the
program on which he was working. "I will be finished tomorrow," the programmer
@@ -902,6 +891,9 @@ drove to the mall and bought imported consumer electronics goods.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Invest in foreign consumer electronics manufacturers.
-- Tom Annau
%
+ A musical reviewer admitted he always praised the first show of a
+new theatrical season. "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
+%
A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
the death of composer Edward MacDowell. She played the elegy for the
pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion. "Well, it's quite
@@ -1044,7 +1036,7 @@ with social conventions?"
%
A ranger was walking through the forest and encountered a hunter
carrying a shotgun and a dead loon. "What in the world do you think you're
-doing? Don't you know that the loon is on the endagered species list?"
+doing? Don't you know that the loon is on the endangered species list?"
Instead of answering, the hunter showed the ranger his game bag,
which contained twelve more loons.
"Why would you shoot loons?", the ranger asked.
@@ -1071,7 +1063,7 @@ only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
-experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
+experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
@@ -1117,7 +1109,7 @@ going to it is so large.
electronics more likely to leak than say Bosch? Hmmm... Aha!!! Lucas is
British, and all things British leak! British convertible tops leak water,
British engines leak oil, British displacer units leak hydrostatic fluid, and
-I might add Brititsh tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks
+I might add British tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks
secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke.
-- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School
%
@@ -1138,15 +1130,17 @@ this marriage and I would want to be this happy again."
The wife asked, "Would you give your new wife my car?"
"Yes," he replied. "That's a good car and it runs well."
"Well, would you live in this house?"
- "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
+ "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
I've always loved it here."
"Well, would you give her my golf clubs?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"She's left handed."
%
- A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
-to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
+ A women was in love with fourteen soldiers, it was clearly platoonic.
+%
+ A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
+to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job.
Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"
@@ -1194,7 +1188,7 @@ favorite robot, faithful old Yewtoo Artoo, to carry his gear and do assorted
camp chores.
The Israelites soon got over their initial fear of the robot and,
as the months passed, became very fond of him. Patriarchs took to
-discussing abtruse theological problems with him, and each evening the
+discussing abstruse theological problems with him, and each evening the
children all gathered to hear the many stories with which he was programmed.
Therefore it came as a great shock to them when, just as their journey was
ending, he abruptly wore out. Even Feghoot couldn't console them.
@@ -1211,7 +1205,7 @@ realize the full significance of Pharoah's oxhide!"
Feghoot!"
%
After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
-earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
+earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
name for my baby."
@@ -1257,24 +1251,6 @@ impressed and they cheer again. The Russian astronaut stomps out, clenches
the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row and
screams: "Anybody got a match?"
%
- An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean. He
- knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully
-and with great restraint.
- As he designs the first work, frill after frill and
- embellishment after embellishment occur to him. These get
-stored away to be used "next time." Sooner or later the first system
-is finished, and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated
-mastery of that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
- This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
-When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will
-confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems,
-and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that
-are particular and not generalizable.
- The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using
-all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first
-one. The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile."
- -- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
-%
An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean. He knows
he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with great
restraint.
@@ -1291,6 +1267,7 @@ generalizable.
The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using all
the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first one.
The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
+ -- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
%
An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her
porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps. She
@@ -1338,7 +1315,7 @@ and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the Queen",
while plunging the knife into his heart.
The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
-"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
+"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!"
%
@@ -1508,12 +1485,16 @@ it some other time, Carrie."
She gave it up.
-- Sinclair Lewis, "Main Street"
%
+ Catching his children with their hands in the new, still wet, patio,
+the father spanked them. His wife asked, "Don't you love your children?"
+"In the abstract, yes, but not in the concrete."
+%
Chapter VIII
Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension,
Salvatore Quanucci was suddenly squirted out of the universe
like a watermelon seed, and never heard from again.
%
- Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermount noted
+ Concerning the war in Vietnam, Senator George Aiken of Vermont noted
in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more
owls."
-- Bill Adler, "The Washington Wits"
@@ -1569,7 +1550,7 @@ CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
Nov 9 Korean War Amputees
Nov 15 VA Hospital Polio Patients
%
- "Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
+ "Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"
%
"Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are
@@ -1593,7 +1574,7 @@ white electric blanket? I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.
Thanks, Kathy. (front desk, x17)
-p.s. Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
+p.s. Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
Or is Vaseline better?
%
"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
@@ -1634,13 +1615,13 @@ him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.
She's a women who conks to stupor.
Upon reading a story about a man who throttled his mother-in-law, a
man commented, "Sounds to me like a practical choker."
- It's not the inital skirt length, it's the upcreep.
+ It's not the initial skirt length, it's the upcreep.
It's the theory of Jess Birnbaum, of Time magazine, that women with
bad legs should stick to long skirts because they cover a multitude of shins.
%
- During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were
-blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face
-country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost
+ During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were
+blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face
+country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost
hit my wife."
"Did I?" cried one hunter, aghast. "Terribly sorry. Have a shot
at mine, over there."
@@ -1651,12 +1632,12 @@ after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely,
"Congratulations, Herr d'Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so
charming a wife."
%
- Everthing is farther away than it used to be. It is even twice as
+ Everything is farther away than it used to be. It is even twice as
far to the corner and they have added a hill. I have given up running for
the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to.
It seems to me they are making the stairs steeper than in the old
days. And have you noticed the smaller print they use in the newspapers?
- There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everbody
+ There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud anymore, as everybody
speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.
The material in dresses is so skimpy now, especially around the hips
and waist, that it is almost impossible to reach one's shoelaces. And the
@@ -1745,13 +1726,13 @@ had the same fiancee, and told him. "Get out of our lives you rascal. We'll
teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."
A domineering man married a mere wisp of a girl. He came back from
his honeymoon a chastened man. He'd become aware of the will of the wisp.
- A young husband with an inferiorty complex insisted he was just a
+ A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a
little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to
save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
%
- Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
-engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
-was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
+ Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
+engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
+was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
and sarcastic?"
"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."
@@ -1763,8 +1744,8 @@ extracurricular activity except you."
%
"Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning
to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this
-beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
-dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
+beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
+dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"
%
@@ -1835,7 +1816,7 @@ for it is complete within itself. It exists beyond space and time."
Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
+ Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You
promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost
@@ -1851,7 +1832,7 @@ the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have
been worse."
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a
-situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no
+situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no
hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
"Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night,
found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
@@ -2048,7 +2029,7 @@ I think very probably he might be cured."
things that are called the eyes, and which exist to make an agreeable soft
depression in the face, are diseased, in the case of Bogota, in such a way
as to affect his brain. They are greatly distended, he has eyelashes, and
-his eyelids move, and cosequently his brain is in a state of constant
+his eyelids move, and consequently his brain is in a state of constant
irritation and distraction."
"Yes?" said old Yacob. "Yes?"
"And I think I may say with reasonable certainty that, in order
@@ -2069,7 +2050,7 @@ at present".
myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing him
immediately some absurdity in his proposition. In answering I began by
observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right,
-but in the present case there appeared or semed to me some difference, etc.
+but in the present case there appeared or seemed to me some difference, etc.
I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the
conversations I engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I
proposed my opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction.
@@ -2108,7 +2089,7 @@ closing the book.
-- Susan Brownmiller, "Against Our Will"
%
[I plan] to see, hear, touch, and destroy everything in my path,
-including beets, rutabegas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams,
+including beets, rutabagas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams,
as I am absolutely terrified of yams...
Actually, I think my fear of yams began in my early youth, when many
of my young comrades pelted me with same for singing songs of far-off lands
@@ -2158,7 +2139,7 @@ we'll either all go into the playoffs, or we'll all go home and play golf.
If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you
brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled-
up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and
-repeat the sequence.
+repeat the sequence.
You will find yourself surprised how far off course you were to
hit that window jamb, that door, that chair. Get back on course and do it
again. How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around
@@ -2237,7 +2218,7 @@ pie-bakers and pie-dividers is way out of whack." Could Dick Butcher have
been an efficiency expert?
-- Motor Trend, May 1983
%
- In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
+ In the beginning, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
mud."
And there was mud.
And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud
@@ -2261,7 +2242,7 @@ evening and there was morning, one interrupt.
-- Rico Tudor, "The Story of Creation or, The Myth of Urk"
%
In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by
-the Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to
+the Great Mathematical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to
large numbers and prospered.
One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up as far
as the eye could see. So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that
@@ -2294,7 +2275,7 @@ sat hacking at the PDP-6.
At this Minsky shut his eyes, and Sussman asked his teacher "Why do
you close your eyes?"
"So that the room will be empty."
- At that momment, Sussman was enlightened.
+ At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
%
In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish. It
changes into a bird whose winds are like clouds filling the sky. When this
@@ -2403,7 +2384,7 @@ not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and
because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature
human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case,
-there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
+there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one
of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but
you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments
@@ -2414,7 +2395,7 @@ response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a
different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this
-person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
+person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different
religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983
@@ -2582,6 +2563,9 @@ smacked his lips with relish.
"Naw, I gotta git outa here, boy," the man grunted. "Big Mike's
a-comin'."
%
+ Max told his friend that he'd just as soon not go hiking in the hills.
+Said he, "I'm an anti-climb Max."
+%
Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do,
and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the
graduate school mountain but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
@@ -2638,10 +2622,10 @@ people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son."
Laughingly I felled her with a right cross.
-- Spike Milligan
%
- Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly
+ Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly
approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
"Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "would you be so kind as
-to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
+to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
All I have in the world is this gun."
%
Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada
@@ -2679,7 +2663,7 @@ We were 15 days on the water, and 3 on the boat when we finally arrived in
Africa. Upon our arrival we immediately set up a rigorous schedule: Up at
6:00, breakfast, and back in bed by 7:00. Pretty soon we were back in bed by
6:30. Now Africa is full of big game. The first day I shot two bucks. That
-was the biggest game we had. Africa is primerally inhabited by Elks, Moose
+was the biggest game we had. Africa is primarily inhabited by Elks, Moose
and Knights of Pithiests.
The elks live up in the mountains and come down once a year for their
annual conventions. And you should see them gathered around the water hole,
@@ -2723,10 +2707,18 @@ audience, either."
-- Reverse the bits in a word.
%
+ n = (n & 0x55555555) + ((n & 0xaaaaaaaa) >> 1);
+ n = (n & 0x33333333) + ((n & 0xcccccccc) >> 2);
+ n = (n & 0x0f0f0f0f) + ((n & 0xf0f0f0f0) >> 4);
+ n = (n & 0x00ff00ff) + ((n & 0xff00ff00) >> 8);
+ n = (n & 0x0000ffff) + ((n & 0xffff0000) >> 16);
+
+-- Count the bits in a word.
+%
Never ask your lover if he'd dive in front of an oncoming train for
you. He doesn't know. Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an
oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you. She doesn't know. Never ask how many
-cigarettes your lover has smoked today. Cancer is a personal committment.
+cigarettes your lover has smoked today. Cancer is a personal commitment.
Never ask to see pictures of your lover's former lovers -- especially
the ones who dived in front of trains. If you look like one of them, you are
repeating history's mistakes. If you don't, you'll wonder what he or she saw
@@ -2765,18 +2757,18 @@ can't."
%
Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea.
- "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
-"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
-born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
-program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
-stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
+ "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
+"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
+born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
+program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
+stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other
-times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
-*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
-program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
-the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
+times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
+*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
+program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
+the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest
-hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
+hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
"This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!"
%
Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something
@@ -2832,11 +2824,11 @@ wreckage. "Why don't you look where the hell you're going!"
dusted himself off. "And why don't you just wear a wristwatch like a
normal person?"
%
- On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum
-to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
-There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning
-alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
-dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is
+ On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum
+to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
+There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning
+alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
+dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is
saying."
The centurion saluted, and hurried out to the virgin, getting as near
the flames as he dared, and listened intently. Then he turned and ran back
@@ -2948,8 +2940,8 @@ stepped absentmindedly stepped over the sleeping lion on his way back to his
car. Immediately, 1500 policemen converged on him and arrested him for
transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
%
- Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
-through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
+ Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
+through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her. "Maiden," croaked the
frog, "would you do me a favor? This will be hard for you to believe, but
I was once a handsome, charming prince and then a mean, ugly old witch cast
@@ -3134,7 +3126,7 @@ body functions.
Penn's aunts made great apple pies at low prices. No one else in
town could compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
During the American Revolution, a Britisher tried to raid a farm. He
-stumbled across a rock on the ground and fell, whereupon an agressive Rhode
+stumbled across a rock on the ground and fell, whereupon an aggressive Rhode
Island Red hopped on top. Seeing this, the farmer commented, "Chicken catch
a Tory!"
A wife started serving chopped meat, Monday hamburger, Tuesday meat
@@ -3226,7 +3218,7 @@ maybe a kink in whatever blood vessel leads into the pineal gland... On
the other hand, it might be something as simple & basically perverse as
whatever instinct it is that causes a jackrabbit to wait until the last
possible second to dart across the road in front of a speeding car.
- -- H.S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail"
+ -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail"
%
"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing
what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt
@@ -3282,7 +3274,7 @@ Someone I need.
Sam went to his psychiatrist complaining of a hatred for elephants.
"I can't stand elephants," he explained. "I lie awake nights despising
them. The thought of an elephant fills me with loathing."
- "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do.
+ "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do.
Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it.
That way you'll get it out of your system."
Sam immediately made arrangements for a safari hunt in Africa,
@@ -3291,13 +3283,13 @@ time getting out on the jungle trails. After they had been hunting for
several days, Sam's best friend grabbed him by the arm one morning and
yelled at him:
"Sam, Sam, Sam! Over there behind that tree there's and elephant!
-Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer
+Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer
barrel! Now aim it! QUICK! SAM! QUICK! No! Not that way -- this way!
Be sure you don't jerk the trigger! Wait SAM! Don't let him see you! Aim
at his head!"
Sam whirled around, took aim, and killed his friend. He was put in
prison and his psychiatrist flew to Africa to visit him. "I sent you over
-here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
+here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
psychiatrist said. "Why?"
"Well," Sam replied, "there's only one thing in the world that I
hate more than elephants and that is a loudmouth know-it-all!"
@@ -3484,7 +3476,7 @@ to the Berkeley UNIX version of `ls'?"
%
Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later?
Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a Main Era -- the kind of peak that
-never comes again. San Fransisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
+never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long
run... There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the
Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda... You could
@@ -3729,7 +3721,7 @@ liquid.
He switches me on to a positive behavioral format for maximal
prestige of His identity.
It should indeed be said that notwithstanding the fact that I make
-ambulatory progress through the umbragious inter-hill mortality slot, terror
+ambulatory progress through the umbrageous inter-hill mortality slot, terror
sensations will no be initiated in me, due to para-etical phenomena.
Your pastoral walking aid and quadrupic pickup unit introduce me
into a pleasurific mood state.
@@ -3766,11 +3758,11 @@ you know where it might be?"
in the data center."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
-emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
+ The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
+emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
have a quarter?"
The Martian asked, "What's a quarter?"
- The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
+ The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
right! Can I have a dollar?"
%
The master programmer moves from program to program without fear. No
@@ -4053,7 +4045,7 @@ appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the novice. You must
understand the Tao before transcending structure."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessan. Seems one
+ There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessen. Seems one
day he decided to stop in downstairs for some fresh liver. Well, the owner
of the deli was a bit of a cheap-skate, and decided to pick up a little extra
change at his customer's expense. Turning quietly to the counterman, he
@@ -4076,8 +4068,8 @@ you the Widow Miffin?" a small boy asked.
they're carrying upstairs!"
%
There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
-three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
-each of them in seperate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
+three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
+each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
can opener.
A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
cell and found it long empty. The engineer had constructed a can opener from
@@ -4166,10 +4158,10 @@ spread only for demons or for gods."
-- Gordon R. Dickson, "Soldier Ask Not"
%
"They spend years searching for their natural parents, convinced their
-parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone
+parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone
being happy to see an orphan? Nobody wants them... that's why they're orphans!"
The speaker is Anne Baker, founder and guiding force behind
-Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the
+Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the
whereabouts of their natural parents. She is a woman with a mission:
"Basically, what we do is band together to exchange information
about which orphans are looking for which parents in what part of the
@@ -4181,7 +4173,7 @@ country. Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared. They
look over the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons...
yeah, they used to live here... I think they moved out about five years ago.
I think they went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.'
- "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
+ "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue.
"It's really amazing how much these kids will put up with. Last year
we even sent one kid all the way to Australia. I mean, really. Besides, if
@@ -4202,24 +4194,6 @@ attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not. Just keep your doors
locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.
-- License Agreement for Interactive Easyflow
%
- Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of
-legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does.
- As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I
-am told that he appears to be strong and rosy, and steadily sane. But we
-will be doing what he wants us to do, I think, if we consider his exterior
-a sort of Dorian Gray facade. Inwardly, he is being eaten alive by tinhorn
-politicians.
- The disease is fatal. There is no known cure. The most we can do
-for the poor devil, it seems to me, is to name his disease in his honor.
-From this moment on, let all those who feel that Americans can be as easily
-led to beauty as to ugliness, to truth as to public relations, to joy as to
-bitterness, be said to be suffering from Hunter Thompson's disease. I don't
-have it this morning. It comes and goes. This morning I don't have Hunter
-Thompson's disease.
- -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Excerpt
- from "A Political Disease", Vonnegut's review of "Fear and
- Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72"
-%
To A Quick Young Fox
Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp,
Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice?
@@ -4306,13 +4280,13 @@ lawyers insisted. We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
attack shark at which point we relented.
-- Haven Tree Software Limited, "Interactive EasyFlow"
%
- "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile
-and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a
-trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced
-in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and
-predatory.
- The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm
-at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that,
+ "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile
+and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a
+trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced
+in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and
+predatory.
+ The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm
+at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that,
Kid, I'd have myself a time!"
-- William Burroughs
%
@@ -4354,7 +4328,7 @@ explain the failure of your three marriages."
product."
-- Jules Feiffer
%
- Well, he thought, since neither Aristotilian Logic nor the disciplines
+ Well, he thought, since neither Aristotelian Logic nor the disciplines
of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them...
Drawing a few deep even breaths, he entered a mental state practiced
only by Masters of the Universal Way of Zen. In it his mind floated freely,
@@ -4373,9 +4347,9 @@ destroying Subject-Object by becoming them.
Nakamura arose, a smile on his face and the light of laughter in his eyes.
-- Wayfarer
%
- "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40
-blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36
-blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly
+ "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40
+blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36
+blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly
scare the piss out of him, bumping alone the street, feeling all his skin being
ripped off..."
"He'd be a bloody mess. They might think he was just some drunk and
@@ -4391,7 +4365,7 @@ in the street, bleeding to death...'"
"... and we think it's Mr. Colson."
"It would be quite a story for the newspapers, wouldn't it?"
"Yeah, I think it's safe to say we'd see some headlines on that one."
- -- H. Thompson, talking to R. Steadman on C. Colson,
+ -- Hunter S. Thompson, talking to R. Steadman on C. Colson,
ex-Marine captain, now born again, of Watergate fame.
%
"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet.
@@ -4487,7 +4461,7 @@ fantasies?"
"You keep it to yourself."
-- Broadcast News
%
- "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager
+ "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager
asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
%
@@ -4525,7 +4499,7 @@ it does. We call it a two-by-four."
-- "Shoe", Jeff MacNelly
%
When, in 1964, New Hampshire Republican Senator Norris Cotton announced
-his support of Bary Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was
+his support of Barry Goldwater in his state's primary election, he was
questioned as to whether this indicated a change of his hitherto "liberal"
political views.
"Well," explained Cotton, "it's like the New Hampshire farmer. He was
@@ -4575,7 +4549,7 @@ Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
%
While hunting, a man saw a beautiful nude woman come running out of
-the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight,
+the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight,
three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods.
"Hey, you," yelled one of them, "did you see a woman come by here?"
"Yes," replied the hunter. "What's the trouble?"
@@ -4704,13 +4678,13 @@ and you may feel free to kick his ass."
-- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"
%
"You say there are two types of people?"
- "Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that
+ "Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that
don't."
"Wrong. There are three groups:
Those who separate people into three groups.
Those who don't separate people into groups.
Those who can't decide."
- "Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into
+ "Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into
two groups?"
"Oh. Okay, then there are four groups."
"Aren't you then separating people into four groups?"
@@ -4841,7 +4815,7 @@ man.
Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
-updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
+updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.
@@ -4851,7 +4825,7 @@ cold boot process.
A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added.
The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users. The
-Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
+Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O.
Please check fluid level by using the DIP stick which is located in the
back of VMI monitors. Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging
@@ -4873,22 +4847,22 @@ please communicate them by one of the following paths:
For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained
operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.*
-* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
+* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
CAR and CDR now return extra values.
-The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
-to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
-well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
+The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
+to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
+well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
destructure a cons (SOME-CONS) into its two slots (THE-CAR and THE-CDR):
(MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...)
For symmetry with CAR, CDR returns a second value which is the CAR of the
-object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
+object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack. This should
hopefully help people who don't like using the garbage collector because
it cold boots the machine so often.
@@ -4929,16 +4903,16 @@ messages (such as IEC703, "disk error") and allows you to dequeue your job.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
-The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
+The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
collection algorithm has been installed. With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17,
-(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
+(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself. With SI:%DSK-GC-
QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled. Unlike most garbage
-collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
-than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
+collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
+than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
more Qs. As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you
remember what SI:RDTBL-TRANS does?", and if you can't give a reasonable answer
-in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
+in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
@@ -4963,10 +4937,10 @@ We hope this clears up the many questions we've had about it.
%
**** CONVENTION REMINDER
-No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
-Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice
-smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
-carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
+No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
+Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice
+smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
+carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.
%
**** GROWTH CENTER REPAIR SERVICE
@@ -5043,7 +5017,7 @@ that he didn't force you down on the asking price.
To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
-offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
+offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
afford maximum inconvenience to the student. For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes. If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
@@ -5075,7 +5049,7 @@ astray by hunting and pecking.
inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have
ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I
haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected
-it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
+it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice
is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious
@@ -5232,7 +5206,7 @@ What's that? A chartreuse flamethrower?"
%
*** NEWS FLASH ***
-Archeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
+Archaeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
skeleton! Many Digital users fear that RSX-11M may be even more primitive
than DEC admits. Price adjustments at 11:00.
%
@@ -5262,7 +5236,7 @@ awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect.
canine with innovative maneuvers.
-- Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
-- The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly
- galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Farenheit.
+ galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
%
... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks. Generally, their
procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as
@@ -5282,21 +5256,21 @@ dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.
%
***** Special AI Seminar (abstract)
-It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
+It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
in order to perform well in complex domains. But knowledge alone is not
-sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
-we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
-"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
-wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
-IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
-about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
-forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
-rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
-succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
-in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
+sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
+we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
+"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
+wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
+IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
+about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
+forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
+rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
+succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
+in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
underlying Plato's theory of government, Kant's metaphysics, Nietzsche's theory
-of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
-IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
+of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
+IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
%
-- THE BATES MOTEL --
@@ -5320,7 +5294,7 @@ discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
optimal cachinnation.
-- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
%
-... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that commitee. These guys
+... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that committee. These guys
have a hard time sorting out what day to meet, and whether to eat croissants
or doughnuts for breakfast -- let alone how to define how all these complex
layers that are going to be agreed upon.
@@ -5381,7 +5355,7 @@ established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle
to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not
cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" --
into doubt.
- -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
+ -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
%
... when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer
@@ -5580,7 +5554,7 @@ increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing.
1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
-3/4 oz. tequilla
+3/4 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. triple sec
1/2 oz. orange juice
3/4 oz. sour mix
@@ -5845,7 +5819,7 @@ of turning around three times before lying down.
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
-- John Steinbeck
%
-A budget is just a method of worrying
+A budget is just a method of worrying
before you spend money, as well as afterward.
%
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
@@ -5915,18 +5889,18 @@ A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance.
Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
%
-A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
-had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
-various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
-invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
-and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
-asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
-between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
-string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
-was enlightened.
-
-From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
-string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
+A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
+had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
+various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
+invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
+and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
+asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
+between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
+string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
+was enlightened.
+
+From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
+string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
who passed it on to theirs.
%
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some
@@ -5945,10 +5919,10 @@ go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."
%
A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed
-a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
+a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
with her for a few minutes, then returned to the front desk, where they checked
in as Mr. and Mrs.
- After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
+ After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
desk and told the clerk he was checking out. In a few minutes, he was handed
a bill for $2500.
"There must be some mistake," the salesman said. "I've been here for
@@ -5970,7 +5944,7 @@ Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
A chronic disposition to inquiry
deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
%
-A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit
+A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit
will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.
%
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
@@ -6020,7 +5994,7 @@ A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS:
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be
explained in terms that you would understand.
-6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMANTAL TREATMENT READILY.
+6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting
research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
%
@@ -6071,12 +6045,12 @@ A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
-- Joseph Campbell
%
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
-with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
+with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.
-- Mitch Ratcliffe
%
A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
the president one of the latest talking computers.
-Salesman: "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any quesstion
+Salesman: "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question
and it'll give the correct answer. Computer, what is the
speed of light?"
Computer: 186,000 miles per second.
@@ -6090,6 +6064,25 @@ President: "Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty
Computer: Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just
landed a twelve pound bass.
%
+A computer science student and a practical hacker are discussing problems
+the computer science student has run in to.
+
+CS Student: I have this singularly linked tail-queued list and I'm trying
+ to make it O(1) to go backwards an item, instead of O(n)...
+ What's the best way to go about that? Should I just use a
+ cached hash of each item and put it into a sorted lookup
+ table, and cache the hash of the last item in the current
+ queue entry and then go to its place in the hash table and
+ get the pointer value from there?
+Hacker: No, you should add an item to the structure named 'prev' and
+ make it point to the previous item.
+CS Student: But we already have a structure element with that identifier
+ and structure elements must have unique names within that
+ scope!
+Hacker: So call it 'previous'.
+
+And then the CS Student was enlightened.
+%
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
%
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate
@@ -6202,7 +6195,7 @@ A Difficulty for Every Solution.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his
wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
%
-A diplomat is a man who can tell you to
+A diplomat is a man who can tell you to
go to hell and make the trip sound pleasurable.
-- Samuel Clemens
%
@@ -6307,7 +6300,7 @@ should be masculine or feminine.
After considerable thought, he settled on an naming the car either
Belchazar or Beaumadine, but remained in a quandry about the final choice.
"Is a Nissan male or female?" he began asking his friends. Most of
-them looked at him pecularly, mumbled things about urgent appointments, and
+them looked at him peculiarly, mumbled things about urgent appointments, and
went on their way rather quickly.
He finally broached the question to a lady he knew who held a black
belt in judo. She thought for a moment and answered "Feminine."
@@ -6373,10 +6366,6 @@ A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
%
-A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into
-superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
-- D. Gries
%
@@ -6421,17 +6410,17 @@ assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win.
They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they
each propose to ensure a win. When they reconvened the gangster started with
the engineer:
-
+
Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
electrical shock to the horse.
G: That's very good! But let's hear from the chemist.
-Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that disolves
+Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves
into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
cannot be detected in post-race tests.
G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before
- I decide what to do. Physicist?
+ I decide what to do. Physicist?
Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...
%
@@ -6495,6 +6484,10 @@ all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
-- Patton
%
+A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a
+one-way street.
+ -- Doug Linder
+%
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
-- Publilius Syrus
%
@@ -6522,10 +6515,6 @@ A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
to take it all away.
-- Barry Goldwater
%
-A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
-to take it all away.
- -- Barry Goldwater
-%
A grammarian's life is always intense.
%
A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
@@ -6719,7 +6708,7 @@ A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.
%
A king's castle is his home.
%
-A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
+A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when
words are superfluous.
%
@@ -7036,7 +7025,7 @@ some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later. Before
he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who
might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill. If that happened, he told
her, she should fire her gun three times into the air and he would come to
-her aid.
+her aid.
Shortly after they separated, he heard a single shot, followed quickly
by the agreed upon signal. Running to the scene, he found his wife standing
in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel.
@@ -7167,6 +7156,24 @@ paper reports "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
fall over gently onto their backs.
-- Audobon Society Magazine
+
+2001-02-02, from http://news.bbc.co.uk:
+
+For five weeks, a team from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS)
+monitored 1,000 king penguins on the island of South Georgia as
+Lynx helicopters passed overhead.
+
+"Not one king penguin fell over when the helicopters came over,"
+said team leader Dr Richard Stone.
+
+"As the aircraft approached, the birds went quiet and stopped
+calling to each other, and adolescent birds that were not associated
+with nests began walking away from the noise. Pure animal instinct,
+really."
+
+The conclusion, said Dr Stone, is that flights over 305 metres
+(1,000 feet) caused "only minor and transitory ecological effects"
+on king penguins.
%
A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than the pachyderm.
@@ -7259,9 +7266,9 @@ now has no excuse for further procrastination.
A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time
had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had
come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to
-catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust
+catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust
the engineers - and from the very first years of the Revolution we saw to
-it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
+it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers.
-- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
%
@@ -7289,7 +7296,7 @@ to his death.
"DUMB YANKEE."
%
A New Yorker was driving through Berkeley when he saw a big crowd gathered
-by the side of the street. Curiousity got the better of him and he leaned
+by the side of the street. Curiosity got the better of him and he leaned
out of his window to ask an onlooker what was going on. The fellow explained
that a protestor against the U.S. position in South America had doused
himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. "That's terrible," gasped
@@ -7414,7 +7421,7 @@ gets out and goes into the office.
"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
The man scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go
-check."
+check."
Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the
truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be
acceptable.
@@ -7427,7 +7434,7 @@ conversation. The guy comes back into the office. "A long time," he says,
%
A pig is a jolly companion,
Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
-A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
+A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
@@ -7441,7 +7448,7 @@ and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
%
A place for everything and everything in its place.
-- Isabella Mary Beeton, "The Book of Household Management"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to memory management system services.]
%
@@ -7495,7 +7502,7 @@ of yours to press against my heart.
%
A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
%
-A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
+A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
@@ -7530,9 +7537,9 @@ A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
-incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
-assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
-and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
+incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
+assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
+and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
@@ -7587,7 +7594,7 @@ might be made an Archbishop."
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
- Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I supose that I could
+ Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
"And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
up from being the Pope?"
@@ -7603,7 +7610,7 @@ entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.
-- Saul Alinsky
%
A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having
-his neighbour notice it.
+his neighbor notice it.
-- Trygve Lie
%
A real estate agent, looking over a farmer's house for possible sale,
@@ -7642,7 +7649,7 @@ A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage.
-- Blake
%
-A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
+A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%
@@ -7665,7 +7672,7 @@ banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey.
The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as
the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces)
is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the
-monkey and its mother is thirdy years. One half of the weight of the monkey,
+monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey,
plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the
weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as
the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she
@@ -7703,13 +7710,13 @@ I don't know what it's about. I'm just the drummer. Ask Peter.
A Scholar asked his Master, "Master, would you advise me of a proper
vocation?"
The Master replied, "Some men can earn their keep with the power of
-their minds. Others must use thier strong backs, legs and hands. This is
+their minds. Others must use their strong backs, legs and hands. This is
the same in nature as it is with man. Some animals acquire their food easily,
such as rabbits, hogs and goats. Other animals must fiercely struggle for
their sustenance, like beavers, moles and ants. So you see, the nature of
the vocation must fit the individual.
"But I have no abilities, desires, or imagination, Master," the
-scholer sobbed.
+scholar sobbed.
Queried the Master... "Have you thought of becoming a salesperson?"
%
A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and
@@ -7723,7 +7730,7 @@ the vexation of thinking.
%
A sense of desolation and uncertainty, of futility, of the baselessness
of aspirations, of the vanity of endeavor, and a thirst for a life giving
-water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in conciousness
+water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in consciousness
of this necessary reorganization of our lives.
It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the
@@ -7943,6 +7950,9 @@ help?"
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
-- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H."
%
+A timely marriage: one made before your children start nagging you about it.
+ -- Diane Duane
+%
A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything
but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
-- Ambrose Bierce
@@ -7953,19 +7963,19 @@ fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
-sitting in the yard watching the pig.
- "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
+sitting in the yard watching the pig.
+ "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
"Sure is, son," the farmer replied. "Why, two years ago, my daughter
was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
- "Amazing!" the salesman exlaimed.
+ "Amazing!" the salesman exclaimed.
"And that's not the only thing. Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
-the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
+the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
Saved my life."
"Fantastic! the salesman said. But tell me, how come the pig has
three wooden legs?"
- The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
+ The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."
%
A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother
@@ -7986,7 +7996,7 @@ when the faculty loses interest in students.
%
A vacuum is a hell of a lot better
than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
- -- Tenessee Williams
+ -- Tennessee Williams
%
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -8028,7 +8038,7 @@ A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there
A wise man can see more from a mountain top
than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
%
-A wise man can see more from the bottom
+A wise man can see more from the bottom
of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
%
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
@@ -8037,15 +8047,6 @@ A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
%
-"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are recticent to admit,
-let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
-there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
-completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of
-beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
-It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
-near your person at all times."
- -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
-%
A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
@@ -8262,7 +8263,7 @@ About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
%
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt
ax. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
- -- Edsger Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Above all else - sky.
%
@@ -8274,11 +8275,11 @@ ABSCOND:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside
of a dying relative and miss the return train.
%
-abscond, v:
+abscond, v:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative
- and miss the return train.
+ and miss the return train.
%
-Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases
+Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases
great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
-- La Rochefoucauld
%
@@ -8425,7 +8426,7 @@ beat up their city anytime.
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
-beat up their city anytime.
+beat up their city anytime.
-- David Letterman
%
ACCORDION:
@@ -8477,7 +8478,7 @@ Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator
will be going in the right direction. Proof by induction:
-N=1. Trivialy true, since both you and the elevator
+N=1. Trivially true, since both you and the elevator
only have one floor to go to.
Assume true for N, prove for N+1:
@@ -8560,7 +8561,7 @@ intelligence long enough to get money from it.
%
Advertising Rule:
In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
- reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
+ reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
that it is curable.
%
Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.
@@ -8583,7 +8584,7 @@ Fuchsia: Fast
Gardenia: Secret, untold love
Honeysuckle: Bonds of love
Ivy: Friendship, fidelity, marriage
-Jasmine: Amiablity, transports of joy, sensuality
+Jasmine: Amiability, transports of joy, sensuality
Leaves (dead): Melancholy
Lilac: Youthful innocence
Lilly: Purity, sweetness
@@ -8682,8 +8683,8 @@ right to make his laws?"
his own."
It was so granted.
%
-After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
-claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
+After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
+claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
in a wheelchair. Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the
judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
@@ -8737,7 +8738,7 @@ charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
-- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"
Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
-precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
+precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.
%
After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with
@@ -8795,7 +8796,7 @@ Agnes' Law:
%
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
%
-Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
+Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
-- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%
@@ -8856,7 +8857,7 @@ Al didn't smile for forty years. You've got to admire a man like that.
Alan Turing thought about criteria to settle the question of whether
machines can think, a question of which we now know that it is about
as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.
- -- Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
@@ -8954,6 +8955,9 @@ All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.
-- Gaius Julius Caesar, quoted in "The Conspiracy of
Catiline", by Sallust
%
+All business is based on the mutual trust of one of the parts.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
All constants are variables.
%
All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
@@ -8995,7 +8999,7 @@ ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
-- Kingfish
%
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
-makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
+makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett
%
@@ -9142,7 +9146,7 @@ All that glitters is not gold; all that wander are not lost.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
-Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
+Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
@@ -9302,7 +9306,7 @@ Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
%
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
%
-Always run from a knife and rush a gun.
+Always run from a knife and rush a gun.
-- Jimmy Hoffa
%
Always store beer in a dark place.
@@ -9322,7 +9326,7 @@ AMAZING BUT TRUE...
end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
%
AMAZING BUT TRUE...
- There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it
+ There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it
were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%
AMBIDEXTROUS:
@@ -9361,7 +9365,7 @@ Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.
-- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson
The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria that
-from time to time threaten freedoms everyhere... Indeed, it is difficult
+from time to time threaten freedoms everywhere... Indeed, it is difficult
to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it not been for the
Union's valiant representation in the courts of the constitutional rights
of people of all persuasions, no matter how unpopular or even despised
@@ -9447,7 +9451,7 @@ An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
-- D.E. Knuth
%
-An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad
+An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad
to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country.
-- Sir Henry Wotton, 1568-1639
%
@@ -9548,8 +9552,8 @@ An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
%
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
%
-An efficient and a successful administration manifests
-itself equally in small as in great matters.
+An efficient and a successful administration manifests
+itself equally in small as in great matters.
-- W. Churchill
%
An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet,
@@ -9673,7 +9677,7 @@ An idealist is one who helps the other fellow to make a profit.
%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%
-An infallible method of concilliating a tiger
+An infallible method of conciliating a tiger
is to allow oneself to be devoured.
-- Konrad Adenauer
%
@@ -9807,7 +9811,7 @@ And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower. "This," cried the Mayor,
to come to the aid of their country!" he said. "We've GOT to make noises in
greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!" Thus he
spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and
-he shouted out, "YOPP!"
+he shouted out, "YOPP!"
And that Yopp... That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
Finally, at last! From the speck on that clover their voices were heard!
They rang out clear and clean. And they elephant smiled. "Do you see what
@@ -9963,7 +9967,7 @@ please don't try this at home!'"
%
And what accomplished villains these old engineers were! What diabolical
ways to sabotage they found! Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's
-Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
+Commissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
economic problems involved in the construction of socialism, and he loved to
give advice. One such pernicious piece of advice was to increase the size
of freight trains and not worry about heavier than average loads. The GPU
@@ -10080,7 +10084,7 @@ Modern fairy tale: Oswald, acting alone, shot Kennedy.
%
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude.
%
-Antonio Antonio
+Antonio Antonio
Was tired of living alonio
He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio
Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio
@@ -10223,7 +10227,7 @@ has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government.
-- J.P. Morgan
%
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years
-organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
+organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
-- David Broder
%
Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the
@@ -10257,7 +10261,7 @@ bathe and not make messes in the house.
-- Lazarus Long
%
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
- -- R. Heinlein
+ -- R. Heinlein
%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -10365,7 +10369,7 @@ Applause, n:
The echo of a platitude from the mouth of a fool.
-- Ambrose Bierce
%
-April is the cruellest month...
+April is the cruelest month...
-- Thomas Stearns Eliot
%
AQUADEXTROUS:
@@ -10457,7 +10461,7 @@ say in those awkward situations? Worry no more...
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't believe you.
How many times have I told you to be careful?
- Just beacuse.
+ Just because.
%
Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
say in those awkward situations? Worry no more...
@@ -10617,6 +10621,9 @@ Art is anything you can get away with.
Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.
-- Chazal
%
+"Art" is the ability to separate the significant from the insignificant.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Art is the tree of life. Science is the tree of death.
%
Arthur's Laws of Love:
@@ -10652,7 +10659,7 @@ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
interested in the basic nature of humor. "What kind of a sick perverted
disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make
-jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
+jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
-- Dave Barry
%
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I
@@ -10723,7 +10730,7 @@ years, left the sect he was associated with. The problem is that once the
untrained mind has made a formal commitment to a religious philosophy --
and it does not matter whether that philosophy is generally reasonable and
high-minded or utterly bizarre and irrational -- the powers of reason are
-suprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind.
+surprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind.
-- Steve Allen
%
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
@@ -10763,7 +10770,7 @@ Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your complexion clear,
Simonize your baby in a Hershey candy bar,
And Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by every star.
-Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigedaire,
+Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire,
Learn to play the piano in your winter underwear,
Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're three,
And people over sixty-five should bathe in Lipton tea.
@@ -10796,8 +10803,8 @@ talk like that.
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
-As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
-schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
+As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
+schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
%
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
@@ -10841,7 +10848,7 @@ Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
2. I use shoe polish to excess.
3. God is love.
4. I like mannish children.
- 5. I have always been diturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
+ 5. I have always been disturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
@@ -10925,7 +10932,7 @@ or putatively less buggy. The replacement of a working component by a new
version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new
component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and
efficient test cases will usually be available.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see;
@@ -11143,7 +11150,7 @@ AUCTION:
Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
-- G.J. Danton
%
-audophile, n:
+audiophile, n:
Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
%
Auribus teneo lupum.
@@ -11172,7 +11179,7 @@ Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
Avoid reality at all costs.
%
Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
+we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
%
Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
@@ -11218,12 +11225,9 @@ the good old days) made up the term "octalthorpe" (note spelling) to denote
the "pound sign." Presumably because it has 8 points sticking out. It
never really caught on.
%
-Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere,
+Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere,
uphill both ways and it was always snowing.
%
-Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
-and it was always snowing.
-%
BACKWARD CONDITIONING:
Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
%
@@ -11294,9 +11298,6 @@ Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
-- Will Rogers
%
-Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.
- -- The Best of Will Rogers
-%
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
@@ -11479,6 +11480,11 @@ Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
Before marriage the three little words are "I love you," after marriage
they are "Let's eat out."
%
+Before really embarking on a sizeable project, in particular before
+starting the large investment of coding, try to kill the project
+first.
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, EWD1308
+%
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
%
Before you ask more questions, think about whether
@@ -11528,6 +11534,11 @@ and inquired, "Well, how are you feeling these days?"
"Not too well," said the expectant mother. "You know, I've missed
seven or eight periods now and it's beginning to worry me."
%
+Being conservative has never been regarded as old-fashioned. But
+if you fight for a sensible step in the right direction which others
+has deserted you will be branded "reactionary".
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real
disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
%
@@ -11550,7 +11561,7 @@ different from being stoned on gin.
%
Being the #2 man in the Justice Department under Ed Meese is akin to
standing next to a lamp post infested with pigeons.
- -- unamed Justice Department official
+ -- unnamed Justice Department official
%
Being ugly isn't illegal. Yet.
%
@@ -12054,7 +12065,7 @@ Multics, adj:
brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
%
Brandy Davis, an outfielder and teammate of mine with the Pittsburgh Pirates,
-is my choice for team captain. Cincinnatti was beating us 3-1, and I led
+is my choice for team captain. Cincinnati was beating us 3-1, and I led
off the bottom of the eighth with a walk. The next hitter banged a hard
single to right field. Feeling the wind at my back, I rounded second and
kept going, sliding safely into third base.
@@ -12250,9 +12261,9 @@ Business will be either better or worse.
%
...but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge
-to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
-were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
-unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
+to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
+were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
+unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If
there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute
@@ -12346,8 +12357,8 @@ What nobody is sure about.
%
But sex and drugs and rock & roll, why, they'd bring our blackest day.
%
-But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
-frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
+But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
+frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
-- M. Proust
%
But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
@@ -12760,11 +12771,6 @@ Changing husbands/wives is only changing troubles.
%
Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.
%
-Chapter 1:
- The story so far:
- In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made
-a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-%
Chapter 2: Newtonian Growth and Decay
The growth-decay formulas were developed in the trivial fashion by
@@ -13127,7 +13133,7 @@ COBOL:
Completely Over and Beyond reason Or Logic.
%
COBOL is for morons.
- -- E.W. Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
%
@@ -13218,7 +13224,7 @@ It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
%
Come fill the cup and in the fire of spring
-Your winter garment of repentence fling.
+Your winter garment of repentance fling.
The bird of time has but a little way
To flutter -- and the bird is on the wing.
-- Omar Khayyam
@@ -13354,7 +13360,7 @@ the characteristics of hardware; software engineering should deal with the
characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management.
-- Dan Klein
%
-COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler
+COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler
one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal.
-- J.N. Gray
%
@@ -13398,6 +13404,10 @@ COMPUTER SCIENCE:
5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
%
+Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
+telescopes.
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
+%
Computer Science is the only discipline in which we view
adding a new wing to a building as being maintenance
-- Jim Horning
@@ -13424,7 +13434,7 @@ CONCEPT:
%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
Condense soup, not books!
%
@@ -13624,7 +13634,7 @@ COPYING MACHINE:
interested in reading them.
%
Coronation, n:
- The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
+ The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
-- Ambrose Bierce
%
@@ -13650,9 +13660,9 @@ His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.
Corry's Law:
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
%
-Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
-at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
-the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
+Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
+at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
+the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention
being easier to stake.
%
@@ -13744,7 +13754,7 @@ Croll's Query:
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
%
Cropp's Law:
- The amount of work done varies inversly
+ The amount of work done varies inversely
with the time spent in the office.
%
Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.
@@ -13755,7 +13765,7 @@ Cruickshank's Law of Committees:
will inevitably decide to implement the idea simply because so
much work has already been done on it.
%
-Crusade for Cthulu! It Found ME!
+Crusade for Cthulhu! It Found ME!
%
Crush! Kill! Destroy!
%
@@ -14249,7 +14259,7 @@ Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
(t (append (list (implode (nf a (car c)))) (nf a (cdr c))))))
(defun AD (want-job challenging boston-area)
- (cond
+ (cond
((or (not (equal want-job 'yes))
(not (equal boston-area 'yes))
(lessp challenging 7)) () )
@@ -14272,10 +14282,10 @@ Delay is preferable to error.
%
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
-
+
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
%
@@ -14318,14 +14328,13 @@ nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%
+Democracy can only be measured on the existence of an opposition.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper
%
-Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
-incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who
will get the blame.
-- Laurence J. Peter
@@ -14910,10 +14919,6 @@ Don't despise your poor relations, they may become suddenly rich one day.
Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.
-- Lt. Col. Ollie North
%
-Don't do unto others as you would they should do unto you.
-Their tastes may not be the same.
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
%
Don't drop acid -- take it pass/fail.
@@ -15168,7 +15173,7 @@ double-blind Experiment, n:
fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied
by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
%
-Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
+Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
-- Voltaire
%
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
@@ -15275,7 +15280,7 @@ Drive defensively, buy a tank.
%
Driving in Texas is simple. For the first 100 miles you swerve to
avoid jackrabbits. For the second 100 miles you hit whatever
-jackrabbits get in the way. After that you chase off into the
+jackrabbits get in the way. After that you chase off into the
brush after them.
%
Driving through a Swiss city one day, Alfred Hitchcock suddenly pointed out
@@ -15384,7 +15389,7 @@ imagery and Appledom. Even words look like decorative filigrees in exotic
typefaces. The greatest icon of all, the inviolable Apple itself, stands in
the dominate position at the upper-left corner of the screen. A central
corporate headquarters decrees the form of all rites and practices.
-Infalliable doctrine issues from one executive officer whose selection occurs
+Infallible doctrine issues from one executive officer whose selection occurs
in a sealed boardroom. Should anyone in his curia question his powers, the
offender is excommunicated into outer darkness. The expelled heretic founds
a new company, mutters obscurely of the coming age and the next computer,
@@ -15465,7 +15470,7 @@ But I'm goin' to heaven in a flash of fire,
Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.
-- Harry Secombe's diet
%
-Eat drink and be merry! Tommorrow you may be in Utah.
+Eat drink and be merry! Tomorrow you may be in Utah.
%
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
%
@@ -15727,7 +15732,7 @@ Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
%
Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
%
-Entreprenuer, n:
+Entrepreneur, n:
A high-rolling risk taker who would rather
be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
%
@@ -15951,7 +15956,7 @@ Therefore fire engines are red.
%
Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to computer
technology? U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation.
-The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
+The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
computer technology during World War II. At the C.W. Post Center of Long
Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island public school adminis-
trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth. At Harvard
@@ -15995,11 +16000,11 @@ Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
%
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
-fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
+fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not
-a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it
-is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
+a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it
+is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-- Dwight Eisenhower, 1953
%
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
@@ -16094,7 +16099,7 @@ Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is
bend a disk.
- -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
+ -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
commenting on the benefits of using computers in support
of their movement.
%
@@ -16241,6 +16246,9 @@ Everything is possible. Pass the word.
Everything might be different in the present
if only one thing had been different in the past.
%
+Everything new stalls because there is precedence for the old.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
%
Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
@@ -16313,7 +16321,7 @@ doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact. That all present
life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is
as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with
respect to theories about how the process operates.
- -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
+ -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
%
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for
even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.
@@ -16409,13 +16417,13 @@ Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof. There are many examples
of outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific orthodoxies,
but they prevailed with irrefutable data. More often, egregious findings
that contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts. I have
-argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic conciousness,"
+argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic consciousness,"
and the like, would entail fundamental revisions of the foundations of
neuroscience. Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid
handsome dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena
than presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves
offer more plausible alternatives.
- -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Conciousness:
+ -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness:
Implications for Psi Phenomena".
%
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
@@ -16474,6 +16482,11 @@ Fairy tale:
%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%
+Faith has never moved as much as a pin-head from the place it
+ought to be according to tradition and the scriptures. It is
+the doubt that moved all the mountains.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam
on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
%
@@ -16607,13 +16620,13 @@ FEAR:
What you feel when you see a U-Haul with Texas license plates.
%
Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.
- -- H.S. Thompson
+ -- Hunter S. Thompson
%
Fear is the greatest salesman.
-- Robert Klein
%
feature, n:
- A surprising property of a program. Occasionaly documented. To
+ A surprising property of a program. Occasionally documented. To
call a property a feature sometimes means the author did not
consider that case, and the program makes an unexpected, though
not necessarily wrong response. See BUG. "That's not a bug, it's
@@ -16639,7 +16652,7 @@ That obviates your basic hedonistic predelection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents:
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance;
-And when not being utilitized to aid in locomotion,
+And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
@@ -16826,7 +16839,7 @@ telephone booth, and -- you guessed it -- another imprisoned wombat.
and after questioning, released him to be charged on summons.
Their problem ... they cannot find a law against placing wombats in
telephone booths.
- -- "Newcastle Morning Herald", WSW Australia, Aug 1980.
+ -- "Newcastle Morning Herald", NSW Australia, Aug 1980.
%
"First World" nations are the ones where people drive Japanese cars;
"Second World" nations are where First World residents go on vacation;
@@ -16915,7 +16928,7 @@ flowchart, n. & v.
[From flow "to ripple down in rich profusion, as hair" + chart
"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni
- construction problems in which given algoritms require geometrical
+ construction problems in which given algorithms require geometrical
representation using only the 35 basic ideograms of the ANSI
template. 2. n. Neronic doodling while the system burns.
3. n. A low-cost substitute for wallpaper. 4. n. The innumerate
@@ -16966,6 +16979,15 @@ For a light heart lives long.
%
For adult education nothing beats children.
%
+For ages, a deadly conflict has been waged between a few brave men and
+women of thought and genius upon the one side, and the great ignorant
+religious mass on the other. This is the war between Science and Faith.
+The few have appealed to reason, to honor, to law, to freedom, to the
+known, and to happiness here in this world. The many have appealed to
+prejudice, to fear, to miracle, to slavery, to the unknown, and to
+misery hereafter. The few have said "Think". The many have said "Believe!"
+ -- Robert Ingersoll, "Gods"
+%
For an idea to be fashionable is ominous,
since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
%
@@ -17002,7 +17024,7 @@ when moving between an mskipand ordinary skip, the conversion factor
%
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
%
-For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel
+For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel
and cook.
-- Quentin Crisp
%
@@ -17088,7 +17110,7 @@ was a gate.
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to system overview.]
-
+
%
For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years.
This gives me great hope for the human race.
@@ -17145,7 +17167,7 @@ protected species.
8 oz. shredded suet
2 small onions
1/2 teaspoonful black pepper
-
+
Scrape and clean bag in cold, then warm, water. Soak in salt water
overnight. Wash pluck, then boil for 2 hours with windpipe draining over
the side of pot. Retain 1 pint of stock. Cut off windpipe, remove surplus
@@ -17234,12 +17256,6 @@ inadequate for whatever computer application you have in mind today: it is
too clumsy, too risky, and too expensive to use.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
%
-FORTRAN, "the infantile disorder", by now nearly 20 years old, is
-hopelessly inadequate for whatever computer application you have
-in mind today: it is now too clumsy, too risky, and too expensive
-to use.
- -- E.W. Dijkstra
-%
[FORTRAN] will persist for some time --
probably for at least the next decade.
-- T. Cheatham
@@ -17251,7 +17267,7 @@ the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility
of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the
responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals
or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out
-claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to
+claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidence and to
provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with
the accepted body of scientific evidence.
-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII,
@@ -17316,7 +17332,7 @@ Shoes:
The average man has 4 pairs of footwear: running shoes, dress shoes,
boots, and slippers. The average woman has shoes 4 layers thick on the floor
of her closet. Most of them hurt her feet.
-
+
Making friends:
A woman will meet another woman with common interests, do a few things
together, and say something like, "I hope we can be good friends."
@@ -17373,7 +17389,7 @@ of his friends. He will tell all his friends about his own affairs, though,
so they can be ready if he needs an alibi.
Driving:
-
+
A typical man thinks he's Mario Andretti as soon as he slips behind
the wheel of his car. The fact that it's an 8-year-old Honda doesn't keep
him from trying to out-accelerate the guy in the Porsche who's attempting
@@ -17569,7 +17585,7 @@ skilled written communicator:
the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.
growth potential:
- With proper guidance, periodic counselling, and remedial training,
+ With proper guidance, periodic counseling, and remedial training,
the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.
@@ -17833,7 +17849,7 @@ FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #1
A black panther is really a leopard that has a solid black coat
rather then a spotted one.
Peanuts are not really nuts. The majority of nuts grow on trees
- while peauts grow underground. They are classified as a
+ while peanuts grow underground. They are classified as a
legume-part of the pea family.
A cucumber is not a vegetable but a fruit.
%
@@ -17975,7 +17991,7 @@ sharp-eared informant transcribed the following exchange between our hero
and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.
Dingell: "There are places in the world at the present time where we are
- having to artifically propogate oysters and clams."
+ having to artificially propagate oysters and clams."
Hoffman: "You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?"
Dingell: "They may or may not be natural. The simple fact of the matter is
that female oysters through their living habits cast out large
@@ -18129,10 +18145,15 @@ your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
From 0 to "what seems to be the problem officer" in 8.3 seconds.
-- Ad for the new VW Corrado
%
-From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
+From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
That is the point that must be reached.
-- F. Kafka
%
+From Italian tourist guide:
+
+ "Non stop trains to Roma Termini Station leave from 7.38
+ a.m. to 10.08 p.m., hourly."
+%
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
%
From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.
@@ -18152,9 +18173,19 @@ From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx
%
+From the pages of Open Systems Today - October 13, 1994 ..........
+
+ "The International Standards Organization (ISO) and the
+ International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) designated
+ October 14 as World Standards Day to recognize those
+ volunteers who have worked hard to define international
+ standards.......The United States celebrated World Standards
+ Day on October 11; Finland celebrated on October 13; and
+ Italy celebrated on October 18."
+%
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
-We thank with brief thanskgiving,
+We thank with brief thanksgiving,
Whatever gods may be,
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never,
@@ -18209,6 +18240,9 @@ but if we send it by ship, it's cargo.
%
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
%
+Future will arrive by its own means. Progress not so.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.
-- Joseph Stalin
%
@@ -18387,7 +18421,7 @@ Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
%
Get GUMMed
----------
-
+
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076
(check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground
directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will grep each other by the
@@ -18411,12 +18445,12 @@ Getting into trouble is easy.
%
Getting kicked out of the American Bar Association is liked getting kicked
out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
- -- Melvin Belli on the occcasion of his getting kicked out
+ -- Melvin Belli on the occasion of his getting kicked out
of the American Bar Association
%
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
-Corrollary:
+Corollary:
Following the rules will not get the job done.
%
Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
@@ -18608,12 +18642,6 @@ Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
%
-Go on writing plays, my boy. One of these days a London producer will go
-into his office and say to his secretary, "Is there a play from Shaw this
-morning?" and when she says "No," he will say, "Well, then we'll have to
-start on the rubbish." And that's your chance, my boy.
- -- G.B. Shaw to William Douglas Home
-%
Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.
-- Cadmus, to Pentheus, in "The Bacchae" by Euripides
%
@@ -18940,7 +18968,7 @@ gossip, n:
%
//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
%
-Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
+Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number":
1-800-AUDITME
@@ -19022,7 +19050,7 @@ Mouse clicks numb the fingers.
Heuristics weaken the mind.
Options wither the heart.
-The Guru observes the net
+The Guru observes the net
but trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is as open as the ether.
@@ -19176,7 +19204,7 @@ guru, n:
%
gy-ro-scope:
A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
- free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpindicular to
+ free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to
each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the
two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of
torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the
@@ -19263,7 +19291,7 @@ Or help to half-a-crown."
Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some
useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
-- Alfonso the Wise
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to operating system initialization.]
%
@@ -19326,14 +19354,14 @@ Hall's Laws of Politics:
their own districts).
%
hand, n:
- A singular instrument worn at the end of a human
+ A singular instrument worn at the end of a human
arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
%
Handel's Proverb:
You can't produce a baby in one month by impregnating 9 women!
%
handshaking protocol, n:
- A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initate a
+ A process employed by hostile hardware devices to initiate a
terse but civil dialogue, which, in turn, is characterized by
occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
%
@@ -19445,7 +19473,7 @@ the gravy with."
The hamper was close behind us, and George and I both turned round to
reach one out. We were not five seconds getting it. When we looked round
again, Harris and the pie were gone!
- It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for
+ It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for
hundreds of yards. He could not have tumbled into the river, because we were
on the water side of him, and he would have had to climb over us to do it.
George and I gazed all about. Then we gazed at each other.
@@ -19497,7 +19525,7 @@ We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."
-- Dave Barry
%
Harry's bar has a new cocktail. It's called MRS punch. They make it with
-milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
+milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
sugar is for pep. They put in the rum so that people will know what to do
with all that pep and vitality.
%
@@ -19567,7 +19595,7 @@ but a lot harder than it appears.
%
Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it
appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down,
-and its salient virtuosi a gang of umitigated scoundrels? Then let us
+and its salient virtuosi a gang of unmitigated scoundrels? Then let us
not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its
incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
-- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
@@ -19673,7 +19701,7 @@ Why don't you go where fashion sits,
Dressed up like a million dollar trooper,
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, (super dooper)
Come, let's mix where Rockefeller's walk with sticks,
-Or umberellas, in their mitts,
+Or umbrellas, in their mitts,
Puttin' on the Ritz.
...
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to,
@@ -19774,7 +19802,7 @@ said, "there's a conflict between land and people... the people have to go..."
-- Stan Ridgeway, "Call of the West"
%
He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.
- -- John LeCarre
+ -- John LeCarre
%
He is considered a most graceful speaker
who can say nothing in the most words.
@@ -19914,6 +19942,9 @@ He who attacks the fundamentals of the American
broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.
-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
%
+He who dares the wrong, acts right, that's how it happens!
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hopes for
the human condition is a fool.
-- Albert Camus
@@ -20067,7 +20098,7 @@ Hear about...
up a chopped libber?
%
Hear about...
- the guru who refused Novacain while having a tooth pulled because
+ the guru who refused Novocain while having a tooth pulled because
he wanted to transcend dental medication?
%
Hear about...
@@ -20143,12 +20174,12 @@ Hello. Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine. Will you
please have your master call my master at his convenience? Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
%
-Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a
-date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see?
-And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so
-you set off accross the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right
-smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you
-don't hear your girl screaming any more?
+Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a
+date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see?
+And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so
+you set off across the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right
+smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you
+don't hear your girl screaming any more?
Well, take a walk in the sun and hold your head up high!
You'll show the world; you'll tell them where to get off!
@@ -20615,6 +20646,11 @@ Hitchcock's Staple Principle:
The stapler runs out of staples
only while you are trying to staple something.
%
+Hitler used methods against white men in Europe, which by tacit
+agreement between the cultural European nations were only to be
+used against the coloured.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken.
There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenhein
@@ -20822,7 +20858,7 @@ How come we never talk anymore?
%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%
-How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards
+How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards
in reasoning, and are so afraid to stand the test of ridicule?
-- A. Cooper
%
@@ -20845,7 +20881,7 @@ I would not have lost so much for recreation.
Nor for love as the sweet pretend: the children's game
of deliberate ignorance of each to allow the dreaming.
Not for the impersonal belly nor the heart's drunkenness
-have I come this far, stubborn, disasterous way.
+have I come this far, stubborn, disastrous way.
But for relish of those archipelagoes of person.
To hold her in hand, closed as any sparrow,
and call and call forever till she turn from bird
@@ -20865,12 +20901,12 @@ How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded. "And why were you afraid
to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her."
"I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat
-replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
+replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
you. As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be
deceived by appearances. Unlike human beings, who enjoy them. As for your
second question --" Here he faltered, and suddenly became very interested
in washing; nor would he speak until he had licked himself fluffy and then
-licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
+licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
examined his claws.
"If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been
hers and not my own, not ever again."
@@ -20989,7 +21025,7 @@ Hubbard's Law:
Don't take life too seriously;
you won't get out of it alive.
%
-Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
+Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
Oh wait...
I'm a computer, and you're a person. It would never work out.
Never mind.
@@ -21011,8 +21047,8 @@ Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
Human resources are human first, and resources second.
-- J. Garbers
%
-Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
-responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
+Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
+responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
immature.
-- Tom Robbins
%
@@ -21083,7 +21119,7 @@ terrifies people the most.
I acted to show my love for Jodie Foster.
-- John Hinckley
%
-I ain't got no quarrle with them Viet Congs.
+I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet Congs.
-- Muhammad Ali
%
I allow the world to live as it chooses,
@@ -21224,6 +21260,12 @@ I am not an Economist. I am an honest man!
I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
-- Gloria Steinem
%
+I am of the belief that catnip arrived on the planet in the same spaceship
+that delivered cats. It is the only thing they have from their home
+planet. Tuna, chicken, sparrow-brains, etc., these are all things of our
+world that they like, but catnip is crack from home.
+ -- Bill Cole
+%
I am professionally trained in computer science, which is to say
(in all seriousness) that I am extremely poorly educated.
-- Joseph Weizenbaum, "Computer Power and Human Reason"
@@ -21297,7 +21339,7 @@ particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
%
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute
-- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic)
-how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom
+how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom
to vote -- where no church or church school is granted any public funds or
political preference -- and where no man is denied public office merely
because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or
@@ -21509,7 +21551,7 @@ But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
%
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
%
-I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
+I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
The curtain was up.
%
"I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA... But no WOO-WOO!"
@@ -21624,6 +21666,10 @@ I get fat. I buy new clothes. No problem.
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%
+I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two
+highly trained certified public accountants.
+ -- Elvis Presley
+%
I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got
hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
@@ -21644,7 +21690,7 @@ more concerned to know what his grandson will be.
-- Abraham Lincoln
%
I don't know why anyone would want a computer in their home.
- -- Ken Olsen, president of DEC, 1974
+ -- Ken Olson, president of DEC, 1974
%
I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
%
@@ -21732,12 +21778,6 @@ I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?
I dote on his very absence.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
%
-I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on
-earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has
-succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a
-goal in front and not behind.
- -- George Bernard Shaw
-%
I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
%
@@ -21911,7 +21951,7 @@ Beach."
%
I had another dream the other day about government financial management
people. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they
-had stepped out of a painting by Goya.
+had stepped out of a painting by Goya.
%
I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small
and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a
@@ -21975,7 +22015,7 @@ Stay, here..." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me
and just keeps on typing.
-- Stephen Wright
%
-I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
+I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
@@ -22012,7 +22052,7 @@ People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
-- Richard Diran
%
-I have a simple philosophy:
+I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
@@ -22030,7 +22070,7 @@ I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything,
but I can't prove it.
%
I have a very small mind and must live with it.
- -- E. Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
I have a very strange feeling about this...
-- Luke Skywalker
@@ -22067,7 +22107,7 @@ I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable
to sit still in a room.
-- Blaise Pascal
%
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
+I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
%
@@ -22152,8 +22192,8 @@ already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic
establishment.
-- Alan Bennett
%
-I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
-in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
+I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
+in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
-- Thoreau
%
I have no doubt the Devil grins,
@@ -22228,8 +22268,8 @@ I have travelled the length and breadth of this country, and have talked with
the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest
authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
-- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall
- publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
- editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
+ publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
+ editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
science of data processing), c. 1957
%
I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
@@ -22313,8 +22353,8 @@ take one along that worked.
-- Raymond Chandler
%
I know if you been talkin' you done said
-just how suprised you wuz by the living dead.
-You wuz suprised that they could understand you words
+just how surprised you wuz by the living dead.
+You wuz surprised that they could understand you words
and never respond once to all the truth they heard.
But don't you get square!
There ain't no rule that says they got to care.
@@ -22460,7 +22500,7 @@ but for what I am when I am with you.
%
I loved her with a love thirsty and desperate. I felt that we two might
commit some act so atrocious that the world, seeing us, would find it
-irresistable.
+irresistible.
-- Gene Wolfe, "The Shadow of the Torturer"
%
I married beneath me. All women do.
@@ -22556,7 +22596,7 @@ I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
-- Lucy Van Pelt
%
I never met a man I didn't want to fight.
- -- Lyle Alzado, professional footbal lineman
+ -- Lyle Alzado, professional football lineman
%
I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
%
@@ -22577,7 +22617,7 @@ But from the milk we're getting now
There certainly must be one
-- Odgen Nash
-Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
+Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
I'm sorry now I wrote it
But I can tell you anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it.
@@ -22660,12 +22700,6 @@ I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats
on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-- Stephen Wright
%
-I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
- -- Steven Wright
-%
-I put instant coffee in a microwave, and almost went back in time.
- -- Stephen Wright
-%
I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-- Stephen Wright
%
@@ -22817,7 +22851,7 @@ I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
-- The Best of Will Rogers
%
-I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
+I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
-- The Best of Will Rogers
@@ -22927,7 +22961,7 @@ I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a
department store, and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple
%
-I suggest a new stategy, Artoo: let the Wookiee win.
+I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let the Wookiee win.
-- CP30
%
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school,
@@ -23043,7 +23077,7 @@ that I am!
-- Monty Python
%
"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
-"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manafacturers of dairy products."
+"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products."
-- The Life of Brian
%
I think I'll snatch a kiss and flee.
@@ -23277,13 +23311,6 @@ near the place.
I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
-the food cheaper, and old men and womem warmer in the winter, and happier
-in the summer.
- -- Brendan Behan
-%
-I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
-don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
-with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
the food cheaper, and old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier
in the summer.
-- Brendan Behan
@@ -23314,7 +23341,7 @@ the earth.
Sylvia Kamerman, "Book Reviewing"
%
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I
-ordered French Toast in the Rennaissance.
+ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
-- Steven Wright
%
I was born in a barrel of butcher knives
@@ -23352,8 +23379,8 @@ I was in accord with the system so long as it
permitted me to function effectively.
-- Albert Speer
%
-I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
-these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
+I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
+these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
@@ -23409,7 +23436,7 @@ Dad, get me out of this.
-- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"
%
I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.
-If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
+If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
It's the truth.
-- Charlie Chaplin
%
@@ -23538,9 +23565,9 @@ had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate,
replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?"
-- Steven Wright
%
-"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
-know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
-be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
+"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
+know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
+be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
-- Bastian B. Bux
%
@@ -23574,7 +23601,7 @@ of wax... and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the
image lasts; but when the image is effaced, or cannot be taken, then we
forget or do not know.
-- Plato, Dialogs, Theateus 191
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to image activation and termination.]
%
@@ -23709,7 +23736,7 @@ I'd never cry if I did find
A blue whale in my soup...
Nor would I mind a porcupine
Inside a chicken coop.
-Yes life is fine when things combine,
+Yes life is fine when things combine,
Like ham in beef chow mein...
But lord, this time I think I mind,
They've put acid in my rain.
@@ -23722,7 +23749,7 @@ I'd probably settle for a vampire if he were romantic enough.
Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had.
-- Brenda Starr
%
-I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan.
+I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.
%
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
-- Fred Allen
@@ -23766,7 +23793,7 @@ If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
-- Roy Santoro
%
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast
-is a camel's behind.
+is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
%
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
@@ -23832,7 +23859,7 @@ convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.
The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position
in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of
-gravity supercedes the law of golf.
+gravity supersedes the law of golf.
-- Donald A. Metz
%
If a shameless woman expects to be defiled and then dies of her fierce
@@ -23887,11 +23914,6 @@ to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
-- Rob Stampfli
%
-If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever
-to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
-that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
- -- Rob Stampfli
-%
If all be true that I do think,
There be five reasons why one should drink;
Good friends, good wine, or being dry,
@@ -23915,7 +23937,7 @@ And all the skies were parchment,
And all the men could write,
These would not suffice
To write down all the red tape
-Of this Government.
+Of this Government.
%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
@@ -23986,7 +24008,7 @@ If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
-- Leonard Levinson
%
-If at first you fricasee, fry, fry again.
+If at first you fricassee, fry, fry again.
%
If atheism is to be used to express the state of mind in which God is
identified with the unknowable, and theology is pronounced to be a
@@ -24059,7 +24081,7 @@ If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.
%
If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there
is an exception to every rule. If we accept "For every rule there is an
-exception" as a rule, then we must conced that there may not be an exception
+exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception
after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of
exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there
can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
@@ -24096,7 +24118,7 @@ he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
-- George Winters
%
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would
-have made them cute and furry.
+have made them cute and furry.
-- Dave Barry
%
If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had
@@ -24247,7 +24269,7 @@ If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton
-In the sciences, we are now uniquely priviledged to sit side by side with
+In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with
the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
-- Gerald Holton
@@ -24258,7 +24280,7 @@ my shoulders.
Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
-- Gauss
-Mathemeticians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
+Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists
stand on each other's toes.
-- Richard Hamming
@@ -24356,7 +24378,7 @@ If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
%
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
%
-If it were not for the presents, an elopment would be preferable.
+If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
-- George Ade, "Forty Modern Fables"
%
If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost,
@@ -24428,7 +24450,7 @@ If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.
-- Mary Wilson Little
%
If mathematically you end up with the wrong
-answer, try multipying by the page number.
+answer, try multiplying by the page number.
%
If men acted after marriage as they do during courtship, there would
be fewer divorces -- and more bankruptcies.
@@ -24458,7 +24480,7 @@ and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
%
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
-little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
+little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey
%
@@ -24561,6 +24583,9 @@ pool cues, who would win?
3) The television viewing public
-- David Letterman
%
+If sarcasm were posted on Usenet, would anybody notice?
+ -- James Nicoll
+%
If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical
world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by
@@ -24630,7 +24655,7 @@ put on a professor.
%
If the designers of X-window built cars, there would be no fewer than five
steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, none of which followed the same
-prinicples -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Useful
+principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo. Useful
feature, that.
-- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990.
%
@@ -24687,6 +24712,10 @@ what a living the poor could make!
%
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
%
+If the standard says that [things] depend on the phase of the moon,
+the programmer should be prepared to look out the window as necessary.
+ -- Chris Torek
+%
If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will.
%
If the vendors started doing everything right, we would be out of a job.
@@ -25017,7 +25046,7 @@ was running the wrong version of the gateway which was giving out the wrong
network number? Never supposed to happen. Tough. Supposing that your
software discovers that the gateway is now giving out a different network
number than before, what's it supposed to do about it? This is not discussed
-in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
+in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
get my drift.
%
If you explain something so clearly that no
@@ -25163,7 +25192,7 @@ If you lose a son you can always get another,
but there's only one Maltese Falcon.
-- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falcon"
%
-If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
+If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
or famous or both.
%
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist,
@@ -25259,7 +25288,7 @@ they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does.
-- Groucho Marx
%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
-It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
+It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
Or some joker who is slicker,
Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
@@ -25410,7 +25439,7 @@ If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
If you must vilify, condemn and eternally find disparage -- resign your
position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content...
but, as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it.
-If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the
+If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the
institution, and at the first high wind that comes along, you will
be uprooted and blown away, and probably will never know the reason
why.
@@ -25521,7 +25550,7 @@ rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
%
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people
-so resolutely pursuing it.
+so resolutely pursuing it.
%
Ignore previous fortune.
%
@@ -25637,6 +25666,10 @@ I'm a lucky guy, and I'm happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to
I'm all for computer dating, but I
wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
%
+I'm also inclined to believe that if you wait long enough, you will
+eventually have more than 255 of almost *anything*....
+ -- A. Lyman Chapin
+%
I'm always looking for a new idea that
will be more productive than its cost.
-- David Rockefeller
@@ -25700,17 +25733,17 @@ And McGovern were a tree.
%
I'm going through my "I want to go back to New York" phase today. Happens
every six months or so. So, I thought, perhaps unwisely, that I'd share
-it with you.
+it with you.
> In New York in the winter it is million degrees below zero and
- the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
+ the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
> And in LA it's 72.
> In New York in the summer it is a million degrees and the humidity
is a million percent.
> And in LA it's 72.
-> In New York there are a million interesting people.
+> In New York there are a million interesting people.
> And in LA there are 72.
%
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
@@ -25798,7 +25831,7 @@ gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there,
and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing
to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
-really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
+really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's
okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
-- Carl Sagan
@@ -25980,7 +26013,7 @@ because the warrant was made out in the name of Don Provan, while the only
person in the house was named don provan. Proving, once again, that Unix is
superior to Tops10.
%
-In a whiskey it's age, in a cigarette it's
+In a whiskey it's age, in a cigarette it's
taste and in a sports car it's impossible.
%
In America any boy may become President, and I suppose that's just the
@@ -26031,14 +26064,14 @@ teacher should know. "I would not leave the definition of math," Dr. Honig
said, "up to the mathematicians."
-- The New York Times, October 22, 1985
%
-In California they don't throw their garbadge away -- they make
+In California they don't throw their garbage away -- they make
it into television shows.
-- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
%
In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
%
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling
-against prayer in schools will be temporarily cancelled.
+against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
%
In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"
-- The Kidner Report
@@ -26056,11 +26089,11 @@ husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never
be free of subjugation.
-- The Hindu Code of Manu
%
-In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter.
-%
-In Cristianity, a man may have only one wife.
+In Christianity, a man may have only one wife.
This is called Monotony.
%
+In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter.
+%
In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
-- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery
%
@@ -26383,7 +26416,7 @@ the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
Q: Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: The dumb manager. All the rest are myths.
%
-In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
+In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of
the revelers. Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet
conversation, said, "I'm afraid you and I don't really fit in with this
@@ -26534,7 +26567,7 @@ Increased knowledge will help you now.
Have mate's phone bugged.
%
INCUMBENT:
- Person of livliest interest to the outcumbents.
+ Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
%
Indecision is the true basis for flexibility.
%
@@ -26601,7 +26634,7 @@ Inglish Spocken Hier: some mangled translations
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner if
dressed as a man.
- Above the enterance to a Cairo bar:
+ Above the entrance to a Cairo bar:
Unaccompanied ladies not admitted unless with husband
or similar.
@@ -26947,7 +26980,7 @@ a visiting uncle who's rich!
%
It happened long ago
In the new magic land
-The Indians and the buffalo
+The Indians and the buffalo
Existed hand in hand
The Indians needed food
They need skins for a roof
@@ -27050,7 +27083,7 @@ three more than the schedule allowed.
The control program manager had 150 men. He asserted that they
could prepare the specifications, with the architecture team coordinating;
it would be well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule.
-Futhermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling
+Furthermore, if the architecture team did it, his 150 men would sit twiddling
their thumbs for ten months.
To this the architecture manager responded that if I gave the control
program team the responsibility, the result would not in fact be on time,
@@ -27068,7 +27101,7 @@ What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing
thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?
-- Alan Perlis
%
-It is all right to hold a conversation,
+It is all right to hold a conversation,
but you should let go of it now and then.
-- Richard Armour
%
@@ -27187,7 +27220,7 @@ It is equally bad when one speeds on the guest unwilling to go, and when he
holds back one who is hastening. Rather one should befriend the guest who
is there, but speed him when he wishes.
-- Homer, "The Odyssey"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to scheduling.]
%
@@ -27273,11 +27306,6 @@ when you know nothing about the problem.
%
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
%
-It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged
-to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the
-youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
- -- George Bernard Shaw
-%
It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as children.
-- Kingsley Amis
%
@@ -27391,7 +27419,7 @@ mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
%
It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat
-rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
+rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
-- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's
%
@@ -27414,7 +27442,7 @@ high as the eagle?
It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.
-- Epitaph, Cheltenham Churchyard
%
-It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the
+It is so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
devil when he is the only explanation of it.
-- Ronald Knox, "Let Dons Delight"
%
@@ -27422,8 +27450,8 @@ It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-
yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown up.
%
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
-statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
-to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
+statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
+to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the
highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details,
worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
@@ -27530,7 +27558,7 @@ It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
%
It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more
doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than the creation of
-a new system. For the initiator has the emnity of all who would profit
+a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit
by the preservation of the old institutions and merely lukewarm defenders
in those who would gain by the new ones.
-- Niccolo Machiavelli, 1513
@@ -27605,7 +27633,7 @@ may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada
military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said
the Army unit was in a house surrounded by Cuban forces. One soldier found
a telephone and, using his credit card, called Ft. Bragg, N.C., telling Army
-officiers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
+officers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
Air Force, which sent in gunships to scatter the Cubans and relieve the unit.
-- Aviation Week and Space Technology
%
@@ -27729,7 +27757,7 @@ and party!
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-- Andrew Jackson
%
-It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underware.
+It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.
-- Cheers
%
It's a naive, domestic operating system without any
@@ -27737,7 +27765,7 @@ breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%
-It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression
+It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression
when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman
%
@@ -27750,12 +27778,12 @@ It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
-- Mick Jagger
%
"It's all so painfully empty and lonesome... I don't think I can stand
-any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
+any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
never missed. The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really... We come
out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
What is the point of it all? Who thought up this sickening circle of
flesh and blood? We come into the world bleeding and cut and our bones
-half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, multilation, and
+half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, mutilation, and
then at the last lie down in some hole in the ground forever. Who could
have thought it up, I wonder?"
-- James Purdy
@@ -28246,7 +28274,7 @@ Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who
-forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
+forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
@@ -28942,7 +28970,7 @@ Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash....
The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
-- Stephen Wright
%
-Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
+Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
%
Last week's pet, this week's special.
@@ -29155,7 +29183,7 @@ Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
%
Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
-number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and
+number. You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and
another number.
-- James Estes
%
@@ -29327,7 +29355,7 @@ Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the
chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
%
-L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
+L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
-- L. Pasteur
%
LIAR:
@@ -29792,7 +29820,7 @@ Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
-- Lazarus Long
%
Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very
-sophisticated computer network! It was a Tolkein Ring...
+sophisticated computer network! It was a Tolkien Ring...
%
Little Known Facts, #23:
Did you know... that if you dial 911 in Los Angeles you get
@@ -30004,7 +30032,7 @@ Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-- Frank Hubbard
%
-Lots of girls can be had for a song.
+Lots of girls can be had for a song.
Unfortunately, it often turns out to be the wedding march.
%
Louie Louie, me gotta go
@@ -30022,27 +30050,6 @@ I take her in my arms and then
Me tell her I never leave again
-- The real words to The Kingsmen's classic "Louie Louie"
%
-Louie, Louie, me gotta go
-Louie, Louie, me gotta go
-
-Fine little girl she waits for me
-Me catch the ship for cross the sea
-Me sail the ship all alone
-Me never thinks me make it home
- [chorus]
-
-Three nights and days me sail the sea
-Me think of girl constantly
-On the ship I dream she there
-I smell the rose in her hair
- [chorus; guitar solo]
-
-Me see Jamaica moon above
-It won't be long, me see my love
-I take her in my arms and then
-Me tell her I never leave again
- -- the real words to "Louie Louie"
-%
LOVE:
I'll let you play with my life if you'll let me play with yours.
%
@@ -30221,7 +30228,7 @@ Nibble on they tiny feet!
%
Love, which is quickly kindled in a gentle heart,
seized this one for the fair form
- that was taken from me-and the way of it afficts me still.
+ that was taken from me-and the way of it afflicts me still.
Love, which absolves no loved one from loving,
seized me so strongly with delight in him,
that, as you see, it does not leave me even now.
@@ -30663,6 +30670,9 @@ recognition for all the bad things they haven't done.
%
Many people resent being treated like the person they really are.
%
+Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do.
+ -- Bertrand Russell
+%
Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
%
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
@@ -30705,7 +30715,7 @@ Rose, thornless, any: Early attachment
Rose, white: I am worthy of you
Rose, yellow: Decrease of love, rise of jealousy
Rosebud, white: Girlhood, and a heart ignorant of love
-Rosemary: Rememberance
+Rosemary: Remembrance
Sunflower: Haughtiness
Tulip, red: Declaration of love
Tulip, yellow: Hopeless love
@@ -30727,8 +30737,8 @@ Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
%
MARRIAGE:
An old, established institution, entered into by two people deeply
- in love and desiring to make a committment to each other expressing
- that love. In short, committment to an institution.
+ in love and desiring to make a commitment to each other expressing
+ that love. In short, commitment to an institution.
%
MARRIAGE:
Convertible bonds.
@@ -30897,7 +30907,7 @@ Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts
to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.
-- Albert Einstein
%
-Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
+Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
one is talking about nor whether what is said is true.
-- Russell
%
@@ -30954,7 +30964,7 @@ May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
%
May you have warm words on a cold evening,
-a full mooon on a dark night,
+a full moon on a dark night,
and a smooth road all the way to your door.
%
May you live in uninteresting times.
@@ -30988,7 +30998,7 @@ Maybe you can't buy happiness, but
these days you can certainly charge it.
%
May's Law:
- The quality of correlation is inversly proportional to the density
+ The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density
of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)
%
McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
@@ -31042,8 +31052,6 @@ to mouth...
%
Measure twice, cut once.
%
-Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
-%
Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.
-- Frederick Crane
%
@@ -31065,7 +31073,7 @@ MEETINGS:
%
Meetings are an addictive, highly self indulgent activity that
corporations and other large organizations habitually engage
-in only becuase they cannot actually masturbate.
+in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
-- Dave Barry
%
MEMO:
@@ -31136,6 +31144,10 @@ Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food.
%
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
%
+Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it
+from religious conviction.
+ -- Blaise Pascal, "Pensées", 1670
+%
Men never make passes at girls wearing glasses.
-- Dorothy Parker
%
@@ -31555,9 +31567,6 @@ Moore's Constant:
Everybody sets out to do something, and everybody
does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
%
-MOPHOBIA:
- Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
-%
mophobia, n:
Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
%
@@ -31615,7 +31624,7 @@ Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
%
Most folks they like the daytime,
'cause they like to see the shining sun.
-They're up in the morning,
+They're up in the morning,
off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun.
But when the sun goes down,
and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun.
@@ -31772,9 +31781,13 @@ Yokohama isn't it?"
MSDOS is not dead, it just smells that way.
-- Henry Spencer
%
+Much as they like to persuade us differently, lawyers are simply hired
+consultants, and at some point you time them out.
+ -- Craig Partridge
+%
Much of the excitement we get out of our work
is that we don't really know what we are doing.
- -- E. Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay, Horace ate himself one day.
He didn't stop to say his grace, he just sat down and ate his face.
@@ -31802,7 +31815,7 @@ Multics is security spelled sideways.
Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his pantaloons over the
tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes in their sockets, sometimes
smiling and talking, and then seeming to be in an agony, until, in not more
-than one minute, said he, 133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,255!"
+than one minute, said he, 133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,225!"
An electronic computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be
as much fun to watch.
-- James R. Newman, "The World of Mathematics"
@@ -31948,14 +31961,10 @@ I drowned her in a cask of rum,
And so made sure that she would stay
In better spirits night and day.
%
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
+My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
%
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there
-are three other people.
- -- Orson Welles
-%
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
%
My experience with government is when things are non-controversial,
@@ -32229,13 +32238,6 @@ Madam, I'm Adam.
Sit on a potato pan, Otis.
-- The Mad Palindromist
%
-NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe?
- Everything he says is wrong.
-GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency,
- and then everything he says will be right.
-
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
narcolepulacyi, n:
The contagious action of yawning, causing everyone in sight
to also yawn.
@@ -32614,6 +32616,7 @@ It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
+ -- Robert Heinlein
%
Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where
there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
@@ -32662,7 +32665,7 @@ New York.
New York's got the ways and means, just won't let you be.
%
Newlan's Truism:
- An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
+ An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
%
Newman's Discovery:
@@ -33191,7 +33194,7 @@ for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the substance of
their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young and rob the old.
-- Lewis Lapham
%
-Nobody takes a bribe. Of course at Christmas if you happen to hold our
+Nobody takes a bribe. Of course at Christmas if you happen to hold out
your hat and somebody happens to put a little something in it, well, that's
different.
-- New York City Police Commissioner (Ret.) William P.
@@ -33229,11 +33232,11 @@ None love the bearer of bad news.
-- Sophocles
%
None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
-to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
-ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
-job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
-forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
-he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
+to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
+ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
+job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
+forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
+he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
"expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work"
@@ -33408,7 +33411,7 @@ serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.
-- Spinoza
%
-NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
+NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
All software is supplied as is, without guarantee. The user assumes
all responsibility for damages resulting from the use of these
features, including, but not limited to, frustration, disgust, system
@@ -33487,7 +33490,7 @@ Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-- A.H. Weiler
%
-Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
+Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
%
@@ -34373,7 +34376,7 @@ mistress".
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
-- Homer
%
-Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
+Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
@@ -34462,7 +34465,7 @@ just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw. However, the family
of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
possession. And the moral of the story is:
-
+
The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
%
@@ -34708,7 +34711,7 @@ simply amazing. God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good,
nobody can touch him.
-- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan. 1983
%
-One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an
+One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an
advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from
mathematics.
-- N. Wiener
@@ -34806,21 +34809,6 @@ is that there never was a plan in the first place.
One possible reason why things aren't going
according to plan is that there never was a plan.
%
-One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
-manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that they be
-installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips. Let's say your
-congressman was trying to travel to Paris to do a fact-finding study on how
-the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet. Just when
-he got to the plane, his mandatory air bag, strapped around his waist, would
-inflate -- FWWAAAAAAPPPP -- thus rendering him too large to fit through the
-plane door. It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman
-proposed a law. ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be
-designated as Cuticle Inspection Month? And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.")
-This would save millions of dollars, so I have no doubt that the public
-would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen. The problem
-is that your potential market is very small: there are only around 500
-members of congress.
-%
One reason why George Washington
Is held in such veneration:
He never blamed his problems
@@ -34935,13 +34923,13 @@ smiles back at the rear of an elephant.
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.
-- Baba Ram Dass
%
-Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
-placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
+Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
+placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn
-food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
+food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS
-and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
-modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
+and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
+modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations. Hail,
postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of
the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
@@ -35081,7 +35069,7 @@ system, because we can't fix it if it breaks -- nobody can.'"
"TCP/IP is OK if you've got a little informal club, and it doesn't make
any difference if it takes a while to fix it."
- -- Ken Olsen, in Digital News, 1988
+ -- Ken Olson, in Digital News, 1988
%
Our business in life is not to succeed
but to continue to fail in high spirits.
@@ -35906,10 +35894,6 @@ pixel, n:
%
P-K4
%
-PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more
-to the problem set than to the solution set.
- -- E.W. Dijkstra
-%
Plagiarize, plagiarize,
Let no man's work evade your eyes,
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
@@ -36217,6 +36201,9 @@ poor people.
POWER:
The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
%
+Power and ignorance is a detestable cocktail.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987
%
@@ -36285,7 +36272,7 @@ Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
%
Preserve Wildlife! Throw a party today!
%
-President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic
+President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic
pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
%
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50%
@@ -36416,11 +36403,11 @@ techniques are very popular, even the military use them.
SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.
- We know it's true for n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true
-for every natural number less than n. N is arbitrary, so we can take n
-as large as we want. If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
+ We know it's true for n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true
+for every natural number less than n. N is arbitrary, so we can take n
+as large as we want. If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n. We can
-take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 becuase it's just about n.
+take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just about n.
QED. (QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
%
Proper treatment will cure a cold in seven days,
@@ -36439,13 +36426,13 @@ prototype, n.
upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc. Unlike its successors, the
prototype is not expected to work.
%
-Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
+Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf.
%
Prunes give you a run for your money.
%
Pryor's Observation:
- How long you live has nothing to do
+ How long you live has nothing to do
with how long you are going to be dead.
%
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents'
@@ -36483,7 +36470,7 @@ Psychology. Mind over matter.
Mind under matter? It doesn't matter.
Never mind.
%
-Public use of any portable music system is a
+Public use of any portable music system is a
virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.
-- Zoso
%
@@ -36661,7 +36648,7 @@ A: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all
Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
%
-Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
+Q: How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q: How long does it take?
@@ -37425,7 +37412,7 @@ QOTD:
Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical
mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying
on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn.
- -- Goodstein, States of Matter
+ -- Goodstein, States of Matter
%
QOTD:
Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch.
@@ -37688,7 +37675,7 @@ when "How to Avoid Probate" was published? Are they taking no-fault
insurance lying down? No way! But at the current rate it won't be long
before there are stacks of the "Transactions on Information Theory" at the
A&P checkout counters. Who's going to be impressed with us electrical
-engineers then? Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store?
+engineers then? Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store?
-- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE president
%
Razors pain you;
@@ -37735,7 +37722,7 @@ limitations, software doesn't. It's a real shame that Turing machines are
so poor at I/O.
%
Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with
-`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
+`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
(and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
%
Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how
@@ -37812,10 +37799,6 @@ Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature
cannot be fooled.
-- R.P. Feynman
%
-Reality must take precedence over public
-relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled.
- -- R.P. Feynman
-%
Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
%
Reappraisal, n:
@@ -38010,7 +37993,7 @@ Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
%
Remove me from this land of slaves,
Where all are fools, and all are knaves,
-Where every knave and fool is bought,
+Where every knave and fool is bought,
Yet kindly sells himself for nought;
-- Jonathan Swift
%
@@ -38094,7 +38077,7 @@ actually have a shot at it.
%
Reunite Gondwondaland!
%
-Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
+Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
Rev. Jim: What... does... an... amber... light... mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
@@ -38611,6 +38594,9 @@ Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be
surprised at how little you have.
-- Ernest Haskins
%
+Save a tree -- kill an ISO working group today.
+ -- Jason Zions
+%
Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.
%
Save energy: be apathetic.
@@ -39101,10 +39087,6 @@ Shannon's Observation
share, n:
To give in, endure humiliation.
%
-Shaw's Principle:
- Build a system that even a fool can use,
- and only a fool will want to use it.
-%
She always believed in the old adage -- leave them while you're looking
good.
-- Anita Loos, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"
@@ -39504,7 +39486,7 @@ Smear the road with a runner!!
%
Smile! You're on Candid Camera.
%
-Smile, Cthulu Loathes You.
+Smile, Cthulhu Loathes You.
%
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.
-- Fran Lebowitz
@@ -39773,7 +39755,7 @@ CONSERVATISM:
Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows.
%
Software production is assumed to be a line function, but it is run
-like a staff function."
+like a staff function."
-- Paul Licker
%
Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
@@ -40027,7 +40009,7 @@ Something better...
1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow.
- 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
+ 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger. Like ... Wyoming.
4 (personal): Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen
@@ -40272,7 +40254,7 @@ attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%
SPOUSE:
- Someone who'll stand by you through all the
+ Someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
%
Spring is here, spring is here,
@@ -40627,6 +40609,11 @@ Superstition, idolatry, and hypocrisy
have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.
-- Martin Luther
%
+Superstitions typically involve seeing order where in fact there is
+none, and denial amounts to rejecting evidence of regularities,
+sometimes even ones that are staring us in the face.
+ -- Murray Gell-Mann, "Quark and the Jaguar"
+%
Supervisor: Do you think you understand the basic ideas of Quantum Mechanics?
Supervisee: Ah! Well, what do we mean by "to understand" in the context of
Quantum Mechanics?
@@ -40673,10 +40660,6 @@ Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
-- Richard M. Nixon
%
-Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are
-dishonest men in national government too.
- -- Richard Nixon
-%
"Surely you can't be serious."
"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
%
@@ -41154,7 +41137,7 @@ This does not altogether accord with historical fact, for he merely said:
Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of
philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
-- C.G. Jung, "Psychological Types"
- [Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church. Ed.]
+ [Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church. Ed.]
%
Test for paraquat:
Take amount of grass used in one joint, and wash in 5 cc's
@@ -41164,7 +41147,7 @@ Test for paraquat:
the solution will turn blue-green.
%
Testing can show the presense of bugs, but not their absence.
- -- Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
%
@@ -41734,6 +41717,9 @@ of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
%
The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
%
+The bold youth of today is very lonely.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.
-- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project
%
@@ -41997,6 +41983,10 @@ The covers of this book are too far apart.
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
-- John McNulty
%
+The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
+Instruments.
+ -- Credits from the PBS program ``The Creation of the Universe''
+%
The Crown is full of it!
-- Nate Harris, 1775
%
@@ -42033,8 +42023,8 @@ that it hammered out the treaty in one afternoon, but spent the last nine
years arguing the Monty Hall and the three doors problem.
-- Little known provisions of the START treaty by James Lileks
%
-The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
-and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
+The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
+and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
-- H.D. Thoreau
%
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being
@@ -42056,6 +42046,11 @@ Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
%
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
%
+"The deceased was killed by 1207.3557298 Volts AC RMS applied by
+accident when he brushed against the output terminal of a John B.
+Fluke Company High Voltage Calibrator."
+ -- fictitious coroner's report by Mike Andrews
+%
The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
%
The default Magic Word, "Abracadabra", actually is a corruption of the
@@ -42197,7 +42192,7 @@ and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
%
The door is the key.
%
-The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
+The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next
hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell,
the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned
@@ -42282,10 +42277,6 @@ The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable
in full pursuit of the uneatable.
-- Oscar Wilde, "A Woman of No Importance"
%
-The English have no respect for their language,
-and will not teach their children to speak it.
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
The English instinctively admire any man
who has no talent and is modest about it.
-- James Agate, British film and drama critic
@@ -42395,7 +42386,7 @@ The faster I go, the behinder I get.
%
The Fastest Defeat In Chess
The big name for us in the world of chess is Gibaud, a French chess
-master.
+master.
In Paris during 1924 he was beaten after only four moves by a
Monsieur Lazard. Happily for posterity, the moves are recorded and so
chess enthusiasts may reconstruct this magnificent collapse in the comfort
@@ -42442,6 +42433,12 @@ anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their
husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism
and become lesbians."
%
+The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm:
+ (1) write down the problem.
+ (2) think very hard.
+ (3) write down the answer.
+ -- Murray Gell-Mann
+%
The Fifth Rule:
You have taken yourself too seriously.
%
@@ -42759,14 +42756,6 @@ but none, I think, do there embrace.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
-- Charles de Gaulle
%
-The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
- The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
- his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
- Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
- time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
- Hedgehog Eater.
- -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.
-- Charles Chincholles, "Reflections on the Art of Life"
%
@@ -42906,7 +42895,7 @@ THEN -- MONROE!
NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-- The Rotton Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
-*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
+*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title:
@@ -43070,13 +43059,13 @@ their wives and daughters to his arms.
The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's, then a sweetheart's.
-- Polish proverb
%
-The Greatest Mathematical Error
+The Greatest Mathematical Error
The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28
July 1962 towards Venus. After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
-scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
+scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from
@@ -43099,7 +43088,7 @@ The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce.
-- Galbraith
%
The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
- -- J.K. Galbraith
+ -- J.K. Galbraith
%
The hardest part of climbing the ladder of
success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
@@ -43363,7 +43352,7 @@ A: "Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running
the dust clears."
K: "And?"
A: "If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
-K: "But what about the
+K: "But what about the
^#!!$% battle plan?"
A: "So far, it seems to be going according to specks."
%
@@ -43760,7 +43749,7 @@ The one that got away.
The Man Who Almost Invented The Vacuum Cleaner
The man officially credited with inventing the vacuum cleaner is
Hubert Cecil Booth. However, he got the idea from a man who almost
-invented it.
+invented it.
In 1901 Booth visited a London music-hall. On the bill was an
American inventor with his wonder machine for removing dust from carpets.
The machine comprised a box about one foot square with a bag on top.
@@ -43918,7 +43907,7 @@ The Modelski Chain Rule:
thrashing anyway, just to show you mean business.
%
"The molars, I'm sure, will be all right, the molars can take care of
-themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
+themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
of the bicuspids?"
-- The Old Man and his Bridge
%
@@ -44026,7 +44015,7 @@ the country is the one on which you resell it.
The most difficult thing about surviving AIDS
is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
%
-The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a
+The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a
thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
-- T.H. White
%
@@ -44065,7 +44054,7 @@ The most important early product on the way
to developing a good product is an imperfect version.
%
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
-people to approach printed matter with distrust.
+people to approach printed matter with distrust.
%
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman
is that one of them be good at taking orders.
@@ -44078,7 +44067,7 @@ The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.
%
The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national
conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the
-participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national
+participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national
organization.
The stated goal of the conference was the formation of a national
organization that would "give expression to a shared consciousness." The
@@ -44288,7 +44277,7 @@ floor.
%
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
%
-The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
+The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
Let the reader catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
%
@@ -44458,6 +44447,10 @@ nothing from history. I know people who can't even learn from what happened
this morning. Hegel must have been taking the long view.
-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
%
+The only thing which separates man from child is all the values
+he has lost over the years.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
-- C. Schultz
%
@@ -44525,15 +44518,15 @@ The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
%
The other line moves faster.
%
-The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on
+The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on
a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke
English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke. He took out a
pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a coach. She smiled, nodded her
-head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a
+head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a
table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to
dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They
-went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
+went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded, and to this day has
never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
@@ -44751,9 +44744,9 @@ The problem with this country is that there is no death penalty
for incompetence.
%
The problems of business administration in general, and database management in
-particular are much to difficult for people that think in IBMese, compounded
-with sloppy english.
- -- Edsger Dijkstra
+particular are much too difficult for people that think in IBMese, compounded
+with sloppy English.
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid,
stable business.
@@ -44820,10 +44813,6 @@ remain each in their own position.
-- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from
Queen Victoria
%
-The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of
-whether submarines can swim.
- -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
-%
The questions remain the same.
The answers are eternally variable.
%
@@ -44852,7 +44841,7 @@ illiterates can read.
-- Alberto Moravia
%
The real man's Bloody Mary:
- Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
+ Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
@@ -44886,11 +44875,6 @@ is that the experience makes you wise.
The reason why worry kills more people
than work is that more people worry than work.
%
-The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
-persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress
-depends on the unreasonable man.
- -- George Bernard Shaw
-%
The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its
financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy
@@ -44910,10 +44894,10 @@ The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called a hen a most elegant creature.
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat --
-And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
+And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%
-The reverse side also has a reverse side.
+The reverse side also has a reverse side.
-- Japanese proverb
%
The revolution will not be televised.
@@ -44933,10 +44917,6 @@ The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously.
-- Hubert Humphrey
%
-The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
-taken seriously.
- -- Hubert Humphrey
-%
The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
-- Justice Douglas
%
@@ -44987,6 +44967,11 @@ The rule on staying alive as a forecaster is to give 'em a number or
give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
-- Jane Bryant Quinn
%
+The rules are rather simple to understand: Under democracy you
+can defend any view, but only defend it. You can not try to realize
+it through power, violence or weapons.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
The rules:
1: Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
@@ -45160,7 +45145,7 @@ The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from
his rather old and crusty parish. As is usual in these cases, a locum was
sent to cover the transition period. This particular man was young and
-active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and
+active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and
exciting. As a consequence he was more than a little dissapointed with the
dull and tradition-bound church. He decided to do something about it.
For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
@@ -45245,7 +45230,7 @@ Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
%
The street preacher looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
-With forty pounds of headlines
+With forty pounds of headlines
Stapled to his chest.
But he cursed me when I proved to him
I said, "Not even you can hide.
@@ -45347,7 +45332,7 @@ It came before the first kernel.
%
The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
-The path that can be specified
+The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path.
We declare the names
@@ -45364,6 +45349,10 @@ and this source has a null pointer.
Reference the NULL within NULL,
it is the gateway to all wizardry.
%
+The technician should never forget that he is an artist, the
+artist never that he is a technician.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer
them a drink.
-- Fran Lebowitz, "Interview"
@@ -45380,7 +45369,7 @@ of Heaven. The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where
the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation,
i.e., Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using
the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute
-temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact
+temperature of the earth (~300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact
temperature of Hell cannot be computed, but it must be less than 444.6C, the
temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from a liquid to a gas.
Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their
@@ -45693,16 +45682,12 @@ world put together.
%
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems
is a symptom of professional immaturity.
- -- Edsger Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offence.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
%
-The use of COBOL cripples the mind;
-its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
- -- E.W. Dijkstra
-%
The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
-- B. Franklin
%
@@ -45726,7 +45711,7 @@ The Vet Who Surprised A Cow
surgeon was required to treat an ailing cow. To investigate its internal
gases he inserted a tube into that end of the animal not capable of facial
expression and struck a match. The jet of flame set fire first to some
-bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
+bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
The vet was later fined L140 for starting a fire in a manner surprising to
the magistrates. The cow escaped with shock.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
@@ -45738,8 +45723,8 @@ to make it what it is supposed to be -- God's guest house on earth.
The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
-- Jerry Brown
%
-The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
-restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
+The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
+restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
dumped a martini on the rocks down the back of the blonde's dress. She
sprang to her feet with a wild rebel yell, dashed wildly around the table,
then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend.
@@ -45808,6 +45793,10 @@ The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
The whole of life is futile unless you
consider it as a sporting proposition.
%
+The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always
+so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
+ -- Bertrand Russell
+%
The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively.
-- Peter Beard
%
@@ -46045,7 +46034,7 @@ the piano. Another whom we adore when he plays the piano turned the pages.
But the man who should have turned the pages played the violin."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
%
-The worst part of having success is trying
+The worst part of having success is trying
to find someone who is happy for you.
-- Bette Midler
%
@@ -46091,7 +46080,7 @@ if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.
The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.
They were just the first not to crash.
%
-The yankees, son, are up north.
+The yankees, son, are up north.
The damnyankees are down here.
%
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
@@ -46107,9 +46096,9 @@ Linked in part to a structural weakness.
She set no preconditions.
%
The young man-about-town enjoyed luxury but didn't always have the means
-to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he
+to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he
found out the charges for room, meals and golf privileges were $300 a day.
-He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the
+He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the
rates were only $70. The following morning he went down to the hotel's
golf course and asked Scotty, the pro, to sell him a couple of golf balls.
"Sure," said Scotty. "That'll be $25 apiece."
@@ -46177,7 +46166,7 @@ Theorem: All programs are dull.
Proof: Assume the contrary; i.e., the set of interesting programs is
nonempty. Arrange them (or it) in order of interest (note that all
sets can be well ordered, so do it properly). The minimal element is
-the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
+the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
the contradictory denouement we so devoutly seek.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
@@ -46218,7 +46207,7 @@ There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
%
There are bad times just around the corner,
There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky
-And it's no good whining
+And it's no good whining
About a silver lining
For we know from experience that they won't roll by...
-- Noel Coward
@@ -46330,7 +46319,7 @@ people who find nothing odd about it.
%
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed.
-Some forever not for better
+Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still recall.
@@ -46365,7 +46354,7 @@ Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.
-- Robert W. Service
%
-There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
+There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
-- David Nichols
%
@@ -46422,7 +46411,7 @@ There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
%
-There are three things I have always loved
+There are three things I have always loved
and never understood -- art, music, and women.
%
There are three things men can do with women:
@@ -46489,7 +46478,7 @@ make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- C.A.R. Hoare
%
There are two ways of disliking art.
-One is to dislike it.
+One is to dislike it.
The other is to like it rationally.
-- Oscar Wilde
%
@@ -46668,7 +46657,7 @@ There is one lonelier than you.
%
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon,
however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
-Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
+Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator
on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
even highly probable.
@@ -46708,6 +46697,9 @@ There is no act of treachery or mean-ness of which a political party
is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.
-- Benjamin Disraeli, "Vivian Grey"
%
+There is no bad taste. There is only good taste, and that is bad.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law.
No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.
-- Jean Giraudoux, "Tiger at the Gates"
@@ -46716,10 +46708,10 @@ There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
-- Jean Giradoux
%
-"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
-the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
-civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
-We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
+"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
+the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
+civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
+We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
striving of the human race"
-- Alfred North Whitehead
%
@@ -46794,9 +46786,6 @@ There is no royal road to geometry.
%
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
%
-There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
- -- G.B. Shaw
-%
There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity.
-- General Douglas MacArthur
%
@@ -46904,6 +46893,9 @@ There is perhaps in every thing of any consequence, secret history, which
it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.
-- James Boswell
%
+There is plenty of time before progress goes too far.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-- Mark Twain
@@ -47604,7 +47596,7 @@ This is Betty Frenel. I don't know who to call but I can't reach my
Food-a-holics partner. I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage
and mushroom. Jim, come and get me!
%
-This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists,
+This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists,
and not enough hunchbacks.
%
This is for all ill-treated fellows
@@ -47992,7 +47984,7 @@ Throw away proprietary and site licenses,
and there won't be any pirating.
If these three aren't enough,
-just stay at your home directory
+just stay at your home directory
and let all processes take their course.
%
Thus mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know
@@ -48276,12 +48268,12 @@ Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
To be loved is very demoralizing.
-- Katharine Hepburn
%
-to be nobody but yourself in a world
+to be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best night and day
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
any human being can fight and
-never stop fighting.
+never stop fighting.
-- e.e. cummings
%
To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best to,
@@ -48656,12 +48648,12 @@ boarder.
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
%
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
+cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
%
Todays weirdness is tomorrows reason why.
- -- H.S. Thompson
+ -- Hunter S. Thompson
%
Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
%
@@ -48739,7 +48731,7 @@ Too ripped. Gotta go.
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
%
Top Ten Things Overheard At The ANSI C Draft Committee Meetings:
-
+
10: Sorry, but that's too useful.
9: Dammit, little-endian systems *are* more consistent!
8: I'm on the committee and I *still* don't know what the hell
@@ -49147,10 +49139,10 @@ penguin is dripping in sweat; his owner looks down and says to the other Finn,
owner then runs off to the sauna. When he gets out of the sauna, he looks
up at the porch, and sure enough, there is Urho and the penguin, sweating
away. So he yells out "Hey, Urho, I thought I told you to take the penguin to
-the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
+the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
the movies!"
%
-Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
+Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure
knows when to stop."
@@ -49160,8 +49152,8 @@ Two heads are better than one.
%
Two heads are more numerous than one.
%
-Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
-performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
+Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
+performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in
her home. Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
@@ -49288,7 +49280,7 @@ coughing and drops dead.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%
Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?
-It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?
+It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?
%
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule.
@@ -49504,6 +49496,14 @@ user, n:
Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-- S.C. Johnson
%
+Using [Windows] for any sort of serious work is like playing an old
+text-based adventure game. You're five feet from making it to your
+goal, when bup-POW! a ten ton rock falls on your head. Because you
+didn't disarm the trap three hours before. [...]
+
+I always hated those adventure games.
+ -- David Gerard
+%
Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.
-- Tom Robbins
%
@@ -49905,7 +49905,7 @@ We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is
whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling
-is that it is not crazy enough.
+is that it is not crazy enough.
-- Niels Bohr
%
We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized
@@ -50009,6 +50009,10 @@ We are the unwilling... led by the unqualified...
to do the unnecessary... for the ungrateful...
-- GI in Vietnam, 1970
%
+We are unavoidably drawn towards conservatism and death.
+The order is not insignificant.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
We are what we are.
%
We are what we pretend to be.
@@ -50021,7 +50025,7 @@ We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
%
We can found no scientific discipline, nor a healthy profession on the
technical mistakes of the Department of Defense and IBM.
- -- Edsger Dijkstra
+ -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
-- Sir Francis Bacon
@@ -50336,6 +50340,10 @@ It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
-- Thucydides
%
+We seem to have forgotten the simple truth that reason is never perfect.
+Only non-sense attains perfection.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.
-- Jean de la Bruyere
%
@@ -50362,7 +50370,7 @@ Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.
We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.
-- S.I. Hayakawa
%
-We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
+We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that
the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than
the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule,
@@ -50747,6 +50755,11 @@ Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse,
I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-- Core Dumped Blues
%
+Well, of course it worked. You made the ritual blood sacrifice. If you
+bleed on a machine while working on it, it will work. Unless it
+doesn't. In which case, you need someone else to bleed on it as well.
+ -- Wayne Pascoe
+%
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu!
%
Well, some take delight in the carriages a-rolling,
@@ -51059,10 +51072,10 @@ And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over --
Like a syrupy sweet?
-
+
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
-
+
Or does it explode?
-- Langston Hughes
%
@@ -51456,6 +51469,10 @@ What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
What we wish, that we readily believe.
-- Demosthenes
%
+What will happen when the 32-bit Unix date goes negative in mid-January
+2038 does not bear thinking about.
+ -- Henry Spencer
+%
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
%
What you don't know won't help you much either.
@@ -51471,7 +51488,7 @@ with as you will.
What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for
something to occur to you.
-- Robert Frost
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to AST's.]
%
@@ -51551,8 +51568,8 @@ But I think it's your mind.
What's this stuff about people being "released on their
own recognizance"? Aren't we all out on own recognizance?
%
-When a Banker jumps out of a window,
-jump after him -- that's where the money is.
+When a Banker jumps out of a window,
+jump after him -- that's where the money is.
-- Robespierre
%
When a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far!
@@ -51752,7 +51769,7 @@ like my grandfather.
not screaming,
like the passengers in his car...
%
-When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons. A
+When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons. A
loud general cheer went up. After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another
drink!" The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
@@ -51816,7 +51833,7 @@ When I think about myself. Too poor to break,
My folks can make me split my side,
I laughed so hard I nearly died,
The tales they tell, sound just like lying,
-They grow the fruit,
+They grow the fruit,
But eat the rind,
I laugh until I start to crying,
When I think about my folks.
@@ -51826,7 +51843,7 @@ When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
%
When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become President.
-Now I'm beginning to believe it.
+Now I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow
%
When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...
@@ -52155,6 +52172,9 @@ When the candles are out all women are fair.
%
When the cup is full, carry it level.
%
+When the doubt vanishes and the issue becomes evident, stupidity reigns.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.
-- Billy Sunday
%
@@ -52177,7 +52197,7 @@ your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify
the problem, not the remedy.
%
-When the Guru administers, the users
+When the Guru administers, the users
are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a sysop who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
@@ -52261,12 +52281,6 @@ When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.
When things go well, expect something to
explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
%
-When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane,
-most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear
-that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition
-continuously until death do them part.
- -- George Bernard Shaw
-%
When users see one GUI as beautiful,
other user interfaces become ugly.
When users see some programs as winners,
@@ -52278,7 +52292,7 @@ Double and float cast to each other.
High-endian and low-endian define each other.
While and until follow each other.
-Therefore the Guru
+Therefore the Guru
programs without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Warnings arise and he lets them come;
@@ -52318,7 +52332,7 @@ When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
-- Roger Zelazny, "Doorways in the Sand"
%
When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation
-of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can
+of a topic, it is well to have the answer firmly in hand, so that you can
proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the
goal.
-- Amrom Katz
@@ -52713,7 +52727,7 @@ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to hardware interrupts.]
-
+
And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine.
-- William Wordsworth, "She Was a Phantom of Delight"
@@ -52893,7 +52907,7 @@ Who's on first?
Who's scruffy-looking?
-- Han Solo
%
-Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
+Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
Why a man would want *two* wives is a bigamystery.
%
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?
@@ -52919,16 +52933,16 @@ I love entertainment
So long as it's clean.
Professor Doberman:
- While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
-pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
+ While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
+pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
-experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
-must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
-fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
-receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
+experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
+must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
+fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
+receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its
-meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
-suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
+meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
+suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
implications.
%
Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.
@@ -53133,7 +53147,7 @@ Why won't you let me kiss you goodnight? Is it something I said?
%
Why would anyone want to be called "Later"?
%
-Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
+Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
-- The Tasmanian Devil
%
Wiker's Law:
@@ -53474,7 +53488,7 @@ Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Women's virtue is man's greatest invention.
-- Cornelia Otis Skinner
%
-Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher,
+Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher,
and philosophy begins in wonder.
Socrates, quoting Plato
%
@@ -53698,7 +53712,7 @@ Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
%
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
- -- Lewis Carrol
+ -- Lewis Carroll
%
Wouldn't this be a great world if being insecure and desperate were
a turn-on?
@@ -53862,7 +53876,7 @@ X windows:
When you can't afford to be right.
And you thought we couldn't make it worse.
-If it works, it isn't X windows.
+If it works, it isn't X windows.
%
X windows:
You'd better sit down.
@@ -54122,7 +54136,7 @@ the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
%
Yes, we will be going to OSI, Mars and, Pluto, but not necessarily in
that order.
- -- Jeffrey Honig
+ -- George Michaelson
%
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog.
Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
@@ -54353,6 +54367,10 @@ You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
You can always tell the people that are forging the new frontier.
They're the ones with arrows sticking out of their backs.
%
+You can approach truth, but never capture it.
+Lies can be had 'round the corner.
+ -- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
+%
You can be replaced by this computer.
%
You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
@@ -54684,7 +54702,7 @@ You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
You get what you pay for.
-- Gabriel Biel
%
-You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
+You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
from your own life. May it all turn out to your happiness.
-- Goethe
%
@@ -54729,7 +54747,7 @@ You have a massage (from the Swedish prime minister).
%
You have a message from the operator.
%
-You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
+You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
@@ -54757,7 +54775,7 @@ You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%
-You have an unusual equipment for success.
+You have an unusual equipment for success.
Be sure to use it properly.
%
You have an unusual understanding of
@@ -54862,10 +54880,6 @@ next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see
him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says "I'd like you to
meet Cecil," we shout, "You're late again with the child support!"
-- Cynthia Heimel, "A Girl's Guide to Chaos"
-%%
-I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two
-highly trained certified public accountants.
- -- Elvis Presley
%
You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.
-- E.A. Gilliam
@@ -54902,7 +54916,7 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
You know you're in trouble when...
1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
-2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
+2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
and there aren't any.
3) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
4) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
@@ -54910,18 +54924,18 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
6) Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
+(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
her own business.
(2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
(3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
(4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
(5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
+(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
(7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
+(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
(2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
(3) Your income tax check bounces.
@@ -54930,7 +54944,7 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
(6) You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
after you bought a waterbed.
(7) You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk
- clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
+ clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
for your spouse.
%
You know you've been sitting in front of your Lisp machine too long
@@ -55200,7 +55214,7 @@ You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%
-You will be advanced socially,
+You will be advanced socially,
without any special effort on your part.
%
You will be aided greatly by a person
@@ -55224,10 +55238,10 @@ You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%
-You will be honored for contributing
+You will be honored for contributing
your time and skill to a worthy cause.
%
-You will be imprisoned for contributing
+You will be imprisoned for contributing
your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%
You will be married within a year.